We're On Fire Now
by LucyStarkid
Summary: One Direction, Louis & Harry fic. Thoughts are my own. A heart can only survive locked away for so long. There comes a time when it either turns to stone, or breaks its chains and finds freedom. But, freedom comes with a price. Knowing they love each other is the easy bit. Acting on that love, and reconciling how much they're willing to lose. That's just a little more difficult.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He was angry and ready for a fight. He had explained to Simon what would happen, and he hadn't listened - thought he knew better. Well it had happened, he hadn't known better. Harry was crumbling away in front of them.

Louis felt like he'd sold himself out, sending tweets he wouldn't normally tweet and forcing their relationship away from the path they had decided to take. And for what.

He and Harry had talked at length before the tour. And they had agreed that the best approach was to be themselves - they both hated the thought of being anything else. However, to an outsider looking in, them being themselves looked very much like two people in love. The adoring looks during interviews when they didn't realise they were on camera, the gentle touches they couldn't help, the fond they just couldn't contain. It was so hard to hold it in.

Over the summer on tour, Louis knew they had grown even closer, leaning on each other when they needed support, bouncing song ideas off of each other, just being there for each other. They were far more than friends, more than best friends, but somehow not sure where to go with it next.

In the end - at the start of the tour - that card was played for them. Simon in his great wisdom decided that putting some distance between Louis and Harry would work all round. It would keep speculation at bay, and would also preserve Harry's 'lusted after' status.

So event after event, Harry would be there, and Louis would be there, and they would grudgingly make sure they were never seen or pictured together. It was tiring, so, so tiring.

The more forced it felt, the more forced it became. It broke Harry's heart when he was told he wasn't allowed to tweet Louis on his birthday, and even whispered words from Louis in hotel rooms after sold out shows didn't mend Harry's heart that now felt paper thin, or ease Louis' wounded morals.

But days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and it became normal. Distance started to feel normal. In fact, Louis struggled to remember the intimacy and the flush in his cheeks when he looked into Harry's eyes. These days it felt like Harry had left the building, leaving only a shadow of himself behind.

Louis knew the damage this was doing, he just somehow needed to tell, _show,_ Simon before it was too late for Louis, Harry and the band.

...

Harry felt the tears roll down his face; he was heartbroken, ashamed and conflicted. Simon hadn't even asked his opinion - he knew that he knew it. He hadn't wanted to hear it, so he hadn't asked.

He felt like he'd been kicked in the ribs, winded, with an ache left where his heart and his sense of self should have been.

They'd had a plan. And all over the summer they had become so close you couldn't have separated them for anything. Even the ache in his heart when he thought of Anne or Gemma hadn't taken Harry away from Louis. His friend, his more than best friend, his - it was too hard to work out what it was. His Louis.

He felt conflicted, because in all honesty he felt he owed Simon. He would still be at the bakery, or maybe just at university if it hadn't been for him.

Harry knew that deep down, talent on its own wasn't enough, and he was a needle in a haystack of talented people. Without support and powerful people in your corner talent meant nothing. Simon had seen something in him and given him a platform to thrive.

He owed him for everything. One Direction, meeting Louis, giving him three other bandmates he considered brothers - none of this would have happened without him. But god, did it come with a price.

...

Staying away from Louis on stage was torture. He found it incredibly hard to rein back his feelings for the boy.

When he had first met Louis, he'd felt something like gravity but so much stronger. More like magnets being drawn together, without knowledge or control. Just a pull. And it was easy at the beginning, the fans loved it, their team either loved it or hadn't noticed it. They gave in to it. Being locked together was normal, and it felt good.

Harry hadn't remembered ever feeling quite so content before. But he had understood where Simon was coming from, that they needed to switch it off, tone it down, it was what needed to happen, it made sense for the band.

They'd been in back-to-back promotional interviews for six hours straight. He felt like he was doing a pretty good job, a good impression of being normal, no one had asked him if he was ok, or if anything was wrong. He'd been doing this for weeks now. So he was doing a good job of being Harry. Heart or no heart.

The distance and the separation between them wasn't so raw anymore, and he still got to see Louis pretty much every day, so really, everything was fine. The fact that the little inside jokes had stopped and that off camera they didn't see each other that much anymore wasn't so much of a price to pay for everything he got in return.

But that hollow feeling in his chest would just not go away. When he lay in bed, night after night he felt the now familiar feeling that something was missing - deep, deep down, Harry was really not sure that it was a price worth paying. He wasn't sure his heart - stored away in a safe but lonely place - could take it.

...

Simon loved what he saw. He knew the fans thought he was driven by money, and protecting his own reputation, nothing more, nothing less. But the little moments he saw between Harry and Louis were magic. He felt a paternal pull to Louis, and seeing him happy was wonderful.

But the business side of him knew that Louis was Louis, and Harry was Harry, and lines could not get blurred. And even if it hurt them, he needed to keep them separate. One Direction was his first priority and they couldn't compromise the success of the band, especially while trying to break the US.

They had been in interviews for six hours straight. And for Louis, every minute of it had dragged and itched like a raw wound. It had been like this for weeks now. He'd had enough and knew something had to change.

Harry wouldn't, or maybe couldn't look him in the eye. The only time he saw him was on stage when 'Performance Harry' appeared. Louis missed Harry. The real Harry, from all those months ago.

They had spent all day in group interviews together. But Harry may as well have been back in Holmes Chapel or London; he certainly wasn't present. He'd switched himself off, and although he looked the same, and said the right words, all that was left was a shell. Alongside this the fans had finally noticed the distance between them, and were going into meltdown too.

Louis cared about the fans, or course he did, and he was aware of how worried they were. But ultimately he cared for Harry so deeply, and he could see that this was tearing him apart. Something had to change and soon before Harry was gone entirely.

 _What were they? What did they mean to each other?_ Louis was in turmoil. He cared so much, cared about getting hurt, and even worse, about hurting someone else.

All his life he had felt confident in himself, but as an outsider, always looking in, slightly removed. In Harry he felt like he'd found someone just like him, to look in with him from the outside. And to create their own little world where everything made sense.

Louis had to get him back. And Louis would be brave and show him that he cared, no matter what he had to risk doing it.

...

 _Why do I feel so guilty?_ Louis looked at himself in the mirror and didn't like what he saw. He looked the same on the surface, but he felt terrible about everything and it showed. He studied himself and he looked, well, like a dulled down version of himself, ashamed. No one else would notice, but it was the only thing he could see.

Brave words had been easy in the comfort of his own head. He'd felt sure that he knew what he had to do to get Harry back. But now, in his house, alone with his thoughts, he felt guilt and nothing else. It'd been two weeks since the day of interviews together, the day that had broken his heart and convinced him he had to do something.

But he hadn't done a thing. And he hated himself for it.

They were on a break in the tour, and it provided welcome relief from the long, tiring days and the uncomfortable tension he felt. He spent most the time playing computer games and writing songs, watching movies on his own and going to dinner with his mum. And sleeping, sleeping a lot, or at least trying to. Lately he struggled with an empty feeling in his chest. He didn't quite understand it but he knew it had started when he and Harry had been forced apart. _It was fine, really it was fine_. he tried to convince himself without much success.

Fine wasn't enough and he knew it. The days dragged, and all day every day he felt the butterflies in his stomach at the thought of the future. The difficult decisions and conversations he was going to have to have. He physically squirmed at the thought of how awkward it was all going to be, but it was too important, he had to do it. _How though, why is everything so complicated?_

He missed Harry, he needed him. Missed him as what exactly he wasn't sure, but it couldn't go on like this.

The break also meant that Harry was back home for nearly a month with his family and the rest of his friends. Louis knew it was what he needed right now. Some space and downtime from the pressure cooker that was One Direction.

Friends and family were good for Harry's soul; they were who he was. He always came back to the band content and full of energy after seeing them. They knew him like no one else. Talking to himself in the mirror, almost a wish, Louis muttered 'They'll see how much pain he's in, they'll make him open up.'

Open up to what he wasn't sure, and Louis didn't like not knowing what that would mean. He liked to be in control - he'd always been in control. Well, until now, when the lines between his career and the rest of his life were getting so blurred.

 _He's worth fighting for,_ Louis looked in the mirror and was determined this was the last time he would see a man he was ashamed of looking back at him.

...

The red eye home from LA was always a killer, tiring and brutal at the best of times. But even so, as he caught sight of his reflection in the window he'd been dozing against he was shocked at the person looking back at him. _God, I look awful_ Harry thought to himself.

In all honestly, he probably didn't look too different to anyone else. But as he studied himself he was unnerved by what he saw. He looked, well, kind of dull, grey, inanimate. That was how he felt too, and it scared him. Maybe keeping his heart under lock wasn't such a great idea after all.

'I'm just tired, sixteen hour days would do this to anyone' he said, too quietly for anyone else to hear, trying to convince himself.

The next month would be just what he needed. Back with his friends and family, just some time to relax, have fun and not think about work. He loved his job and the other opportunities it opened up to him. But sometimes he did feel thin, stretched paper thin. He wanted to put his all into everything but it didn't leave much in reserve. He felt tired and hollow.

One of the perks of being a 'celebrity' - he squirmed at the thought of the word - was travelling business class. He wasn't used to it, but at least it meant he had been able to get some sleep. Well, as best he could with that missing feeling gnawing away in his chest.

'Excuse me sir? Can I get you anything?' Harry looked up and smiled a tired smile at the hostess; she looked almost concerned he thought. _That's their job though I guess._ _'_ Just my pillow from my bag would be great thanks; a pane of glass isn't quite the same as far as comfort goes _'_ Harry replied with his best impression of a charming smile.

A minute or two later and she was back with the pillow. Harry hadn't packed his own bag; he'd been in interviews until late. The pillow his assistant had packed was the one he took from hotel to hotel. He was picky due to his persistent back problems. As he snuggled down to try and get some sleep, a faint scent of the pillow had memories he couldn't quite place coming back. They focused and became clearer, snippets of movies and conversations about comic book characters. The missing feeling grew and twisted in his chest. He didn't need his heart to feel this; Louis was in each and every cell in his body.

He missed him so much. But it was hopeless.

...

'This is not good, not good at all' _J_ ay muttered as she bit her nails, a nervous tick. She had been in Louis' twitter looking at his mentions and direct messages. She did this every morning, even when he was away from home, she had his back, and knew that he couldn't always face going on there himself.

A cross check on Tumblr – which even Jay found a scary place – confirmed her fears.

Louis' phone rang in his jean pocket, struggling to get it out before it went to voicemail, he got there just in time, 'Hi mum, you ok...Tea sounds great; I'll pick you up in half an hour'.

Jay might have been his mum, but she was Louis' best friend too, and they had no secrets. She knew about the distance Harry and Louis had to endure. She worried for them as she saw the distance become normal.

To be honest she'd never really understood the thinking behind putting this distance between them anyway. She knew Simon had his reasons, but what, other than money they could be was a mystery. But Louis hadn't wanted her to get involved, so she supported and was a shoulder to cry on to for her son but nothing more. Until now.

They drove to a local cafe and grabbed their drinks, but as Louis went to take a seat, Jay kept hold of his hand stopping him from sitting 'Not here, let's go to the park'. Slightly confused, Louis followed alongside in comfortable silence during the five-minute walk to the small park.

It was 2pm on a Tuesday, so the park was virtually empty. Still, Jay walked them to a bench furthest from the entrance. Sitting down with a serious look on her face she chose her words carefully knowing that she would hit a nerve, she needed to hit a nerve, 'Louis, why are you agreeing to go along with all of this? What exactly is it that you are so scared of losing?'

He knew exactly what his mum was getting at and it hurt to have it pointed out. Consciously or unconsciously he was scared of losing everything. The band, his friends, his career, and Harry. But more than anything he was terrified, terrified because he wanted it all and he couldn't see how he could keep from losing something.

He knew he was being a coward, digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole, but he just couldn't have this conversation now. Not even with his mum.

He looked her straight in the eye and lied through his teeth, _'_ I have no idea what you're talking about'.

...

Just being back home was good for his soul, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Harry could breathe and his chest felt comfortably full. The gnawing, hollow feeling was still there just not so prominent. It had shrunk and been replaced by a feeling of home.

He knew his childhood friends and family would be in his life forever, no matter what. And that was an excessively comforting reality, especially as the rest of his life felt so fragile.

Kicking himself for not being able to let go, Harry drifted to the look on Louis' face at the end of their group interview. He hadn't really registered at the time; he was so focused on distracting himself with saying the right things and putting on a brave face. But thinking back, he could place that look, and it tore him in half. It was the look of someone who was totally lost, looking for the other half of their whole and seeing an imitation. He was a fraud, and everything he needed was crumbling away because of it.

His phone buzzed in his back pocket, jolting him out of his own head. Pulling it out of his pocket he saw five missed calls and a text message. _What the..._ Gemma had been trying to get hold of him for the last twenty minutes. _But I've only just got here..._ Looking at the time on his phone, it slowly dawned on him that he'd been standing in the busy airport lounge, hugging his pillow, for over twenty minutes, lost in his thoughts.

Noticing the odd look the person next to him was giving him, he mentally shook himself, grabbing his bag, escaping out of his head and towards the comfort of home, his family and his friends.

Walking heavily through the airport, Harry spotted Gemma long before she spotted him, which was weird really, seeing as she was looking right at him.

...

Louis sighed as he took the battery out of his phone. It was three days since the non-conversation in the park, and his mum would not leave him alone. He knew it was only because she cared, and he felt awful lying to her. Even worse because he knew from the look on her face that she could see right through his lie.

Shouting at no one in his empty house, he threw the phone against the wall.

If she'd wanted to hit a nerve she'd done it. All he'd done since Tuesday was think about what she'd said, and being trapped in his own head in this cell was slowly sending him mad.

'This is stupid; I can't do anything until we're in the same place anyway' he said to no one. That was, of course, another blatant lie; he could be talking about this with his mum. But somehow saying it all out loud to another person who wasn't Harry felt like the wrong thing to do. This was their problem and they needed to sort through it themselves, as hard as that was going to be. Ignoring it was just not an option. Well, not in the long term anyway. _We're not going to be in the same place for two weeks; I'm going to go mad if I sit here thinking any more._

Louis loved to write music and lyrics, anyone that knew him knew that. He could lose himself completely in a song, envelope himself around the melodies, let them soak him up. He wasn't working on anything specific at the moment, his heart hadn't really been in it. But now, now he felt like it might be the right thing to do – cathartic – to take his mind off of everything.

Looking for inspiration, he picked up a tattered vinyl version of Aftermath by the Stones, put it on the record player and started to listen, waiting, hugging his favourite pillow tight into his chest. Losing himself in familiar songs, he found himself humming along, feeling the more free than he had in ages.

It hit out of nowhere. The hollow feeling in his chest exploded and contracted so hard it physically hurt. The notes and melodies suddenly feeling like they were trying to suffocate him, memories of songwriting sessions, and late night comic book reading on tour. Grabbing the album sleeve and turning it over, there in scratchy handwriting - 'Harry's, keep your mitts off Louis!'

And on to the crumpled, dog-eared album sleeve, hot tears fell. And he didn't know if he'd ever stop.

...

Gemma had to do a double take as she saw Harry slowly walk towards her. He looked terrible. Well, maybe not terrible, but not himself anyway. She prided herself on being perceptive, especially where family was concerned, and this just shouted out to her. It looked like someone had switched the lights off.

She was so tempted to say something, but it didn't feel like the right time. Instead, she pulled him to her tightly, and squeezed harder and longer than was strictly necessary. She could've imagined it but she was sure she felt her brother shaking in her arms. _Something's definitely not right,_ she thought to herself, still holding on tight. But Harry being Harry, she was sure she'd find out all about it. Being a closed book had never come naturally to her little brother.

...

Harry pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes, hoping they hid the tears welling. He knew, back home with his friends and family, that his heart, locked and shackled away, would try to break free and betray him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Home's always been a sanctuary for Harry. Growing up, his mum and Gemma provided a loving, solid foundation, letting him develop into the person he was now. And even right now, when he knew he wasn't the happiest version of himself, home, the people that were his home, comforted him like nothing else.

Sitting on the sofa, flicking through one of his mum's magazines, Harry day dreamed of paddling pools, hot summer days and water fights in the back garden with Gemma. Of Anne calling them in as the heat seeped out of the day, getting them to dry off and get changed before spoiling both of them with hugs and homemade ice cream.

He was snapped back to reality by Gemma, nudging him in the shoulder, brandishing two steaming cups of tea. She handed him a tea, and plonking herself down next to him, unceremoniously shoving the magazine to one side, and tucking her feet underneath him.

'So, baby bro, what's the latest gossip from life on the road then?' she teased. This was their normal ritual of Harry being home, Gem digging for all the most entertaining stories, and Harry indulging her with tales, mainly about Louis, that had them both in stitches.

He went to speak, to fill her in as normal, however, this time he realised there were not as many fun tales to tell. The last few months had been stressful, and he wracked his brain, trying to think of something to say.

Finally, a story came to mind, 'Ok, you won't believe it but Liam's got us a "tour puppy"! He just decided one day when we were in Chicago that we were too boring on our own, so he just disappeared, and came back with Mabel. She's lovely, a Collie, but wow, she's a handful. Liam's stuck with her now though - she's always chewing his shoes, and going to the loo all over the place!'

Gemma just laughed and waited, so Harry thought hard for another,

'Oh and Zayn, Zayn decided our tour bus needed a makeover, and spray painted the whole of the inside with manga characters! It looked cool, but he nearly passed out from the fumes. We couldn't use it for a week until the smell had gone!...So there's that!'

Again Gemma just laughed and waited. Out of stories, Harry just shrugged.

'Oh come on Harry, what about you, or Louis, you're always causing the most trouble. Don't try to deny it!'

'Well, not much to tell really, just normal stuff, you know. You know me, mostly just trying to write songs, and I spend a lot of time with Lou and Lux, she's growing up so fast, she's walking now, so that's new.' Harry hoped that Gemma would drop it now, satisfied with the stories he'd told.

Gemma smiled at that, she loved Lux. And that seemed to placate her. That and Anne shouting from the kitchen, 'Gem, your phone's ringing, you've left it in here!' which had his sister leaping up from the sofa, stopping only at the doorway, turning to Harry, and saying, with a soft look on her face, 'That all sounds lovely H, and it's really good to have you home..' she hesitated before continuing, '..but you would say, wouldn't you, if there was anything wrong. You know you can talk to me.'

And with that she headed to the kitchen, shouting about plans for a night out over her shoulder.

…

He was almost chanting it, looking into the mirror and willing himself to believe it, feel it, even though his brain was trying to tell him otherwise: 'I will have a good time, and I will not think about Louis. I will have a good time, and I will not think about Louis. I will have a…'

The knock on his door made him jump and he dropped the glass he was holding. It smashed on the hardwood floor, but he'd worked himself into such a state that he didn't feel the shards grazing his skin. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins and all he felt was his own heartbeat and the blood rushing past his ears.

Gemma was there before he realised what was happening, 'Hey, you ready, taxi's here'.

 _Why hadn't Gemma mentioned the broken glass on the floor?_ that was just odd, he thought to himself. _'_ Ouch' he winched as he brushed the splinters off his ankles and pulled on his boots and jacket, ready to forget and enjoy.

The cab ride to the club was a bit of a blur, Gemma did most of the talking and Harry smiled a forced smile at her. They picked up some of Gemma's friends on the way, and in no time they'd got to the club.

They jumped the queue and were inside in seconds. The music was thumping and Harry wasn't really sure why they'd decided to come here at all, wasn't sure this was what he needed. But after a couple of beers at the bar, he felt a little more relaxed, although thoughts of Louis still lingered front and centre. He was sure that having fun shouldn't be this much like hard work.

It wasn't until several drinks later that Harry realised they had got in so quickly because of him. He didn't normally like the idea of celebrity, but tonight, tonight for some reason he revelled in it, just enjoyed soaking it up. It carried on once they were in the main part of the club. They were ushered to the VIP area and drinks they hadn't ordered appeared. Harry found himself arm in arm with Gemma, smiling at her and saying, _'Well it would be rude not to!'_

The dance floor in the VIP area was small and heaving with bodies, Harry liked to dance, even if he knew he wasn't very good at it; all animated faces, gangly limbs, and bouncing. The throng of bodies around him didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with his flailing and bouncing though, and he was loving it.

One of the writhing bodies got a little too close and he could feel hot breath in his ear. Blanking out the contact and enjoying the hum of the music, Harry was oblivious, dancing and just letting loose. It felt good, really good.

There was a gentle tug at his shoulder, a warm touch that felt familiar. Turning, comfortably, he was shocked to see brown eyes looking back at him. Stumbling back, away from this stranger, he gasped and realised that he'd been sure, so sure, that he'd be looking into bright blue eyes.

He carried on dancing, willing that good feeling to come back - two whole songs. But it felt strange and unfamiliar. Brown eyes where there should have been vivid blue. Height which meant arms and hands were in all the wrong places. Angles and exaggerated muscles where he knew there needed to be soft curves.

Pulling away, in what he thought was a subtle way, he heard himself say on auto-pilot _'_ Thanks for that, that was fun, see you around yeah?' and with the words came the movement. Reeling away towards the comfort of Gemma. He was back in her arms seconds later, she loved him for who he was. Although he knew the questions were bound to come.

…

Gemma felt a bit creepy, kind of like a voyeur. She'd been watching her brother all evening, so she supposed that if the hat fit, she have to wear it.

Right this moment, Harry had - no exaggeration - more than a dozen people, men and women, surrounding him, staring appreciatively as her brother clumsily danced and enjoyed himself.

Gemma did enjoy seeing her brother let loose, it hadn't happened often enough lately. But she couldn't shake the memory of the 'lights off look' she'd seen just days ago. She needed to get to the bottom of that, but obviously, now was again, not the right time.

…

Reeling and forcing his way through the crowd, away from the dance floor and the unfamiliar chocolate brown eyes, Harry felt himself crash into something soft, that didn't falter as he slammed into it. Wrapped in a familiar embrace, he felt himself relax as he sank in and let himself be swept along, further away from the noise and the lingering dance floor confusion that he sat heavy in the pit of his stomach.

He felt broken glass crunch under his feet on the sticky dance floor, reminding him of the scene earlier in his room. He felt the dull thump of bumping into soft bodies as they moved away from all of this.

Gaining his bearings little, he looked up and saw Gemma guiding them through the crowd, pushing and making sure that they got back safely to their booth. Collapsing into the softness of the seat, he instinctively pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged himself, making himself small.

In Gemma's arms he drifted off and away, searching for the bright blue eyes that he longed for; they provided comfort, understanding and possibilities. But he knew, even in this relaxed, sleepy state, that with all these possibilities came confusion, and the knowledge of battles ahead.

His mind took him to a safe place, and he dozed in the comfort of his own head. For once switching off and enjoying the relaxing, safe feeling of being hugged, and having someone rock him gently to sleep. For what felt like forever he let the warm comfort engulf him and enjoyed soaking up the love he felt.

It took a long moment to realise that the hollow feeling in his chest was back. Even at home with his family and friends, the gnawing grind of his missing heart was making itself known. How had he really thought he could live like this – switched off from the person that mattered to him most. This was slowly eating him up inside and he needed to let someone else in.

Opening his eyes groggily, sad realisation crept in. He was being hugged, but not by Louis. He was sat, cradled in his sister's arms, in a club he wanted to be as far away from as possible. The biggest and only wish in his head screaming, _Please, please come and get me and take me away from here._

...

Gemma took that opportunity of hugging Harry to really properly look at him, she was shocked at what she saw.

Looking at her baby brother, she saw; dark circles under his eyes, hair longer and shaggier than it should have been, clothes looking like they needed a wash and an iron, the list went on. Her brother needed help, and even if she didn't know what the problem was, she was sure as hell going to help him find a way out of it.

She gently stroked his hair to try to wake him up. She didn't want to make him jump. Trying again, she squeezed his arm, still nothing. Getting a bit worried now, she shook him, still gently, and said quietly 'Harry, wake up, let's get us home.'

'What the...Louis...where am I?' he was to all intents and purposes still asleep, but to Gemma it was like a light bulb going off. She knew what the problem was. It'd never been clearer. But what to do about it. She'd never seen Harry like this before. How was she going to break in and get him to open him up without making things even worse.

...

'Ouch, what's that?' his eyes felt like they were on fire, he could see heat and red through the inside of his eyelids. He moved tentatively to feel his eyebrows and eyelids, everything was normal. Squeezing one eye open the light hit him and his eyes snapped shut again.

Staggering across the room, eyes shut, he felt for the curtains and grabbed around blindly, managing to close them. Stumbling back to the direction of the bed, eyes closed even in the darkness, he tripped and fell. 'What the...?'

Falling onto the bed he finally opened his eyes, and after a few seconds of trying to focus he saw Gemma.

She was silently moving on her hands and knees, dustpan and brush in hand, sweeping up tiny shards of glass from the night before.

'Hey little bro, you ok?' Gemma said, realising Harry was properly awake now.

'Erm ok I think...at least I can only see one of you now, not five. That was scary. One Gem I can almost handle, five is too much for anyone.' Harry chuckled.

…

Lying on the bed, Harry with his arms over his eyes to block out the residual light, and Gemma next to him, now seemed like as good of a time as any to sow the seeds of her plan to help her brother.

'Baby bro, I feel really bad asking, but I need a favour...'

Harry, shifted position, intentionally jabbing Gemma in the side playfully, 'Go on then Gems, what is it…'

Gemma sighed for dramatic effect before continuing, 'Well you know I want to get into music journalism, and Holmes Chapel isn't exactly the place to be..', staying calm up until that point, the rest came out in a nervous rush, wanting this plan to work '…how would you feel about me coming on tour with you for the next leg? I could make some fantastic contacts, and maybe blog about life on the road with my baby bro. What do you think?'

Almost before Gemma had finished, she was enveloped in the biggest, tightest, most love-filled hug, with Harry speaking into her shoulder, 'That would be fantastic Gems, I have so many people I can introduce you to. And you'll have so much fun, I'll make sure.'

For the first time since picking him up at the airport, Gemma saw her brother's genuine smile, with just a flicker of light back in his eyes.

And lying on the bed, still nestled together with his sister, Harry mused to himself that having Gem's on tour was going to be a good thing, a very good thing. He felt like having his big sister by his side was just what he needed right now.

…

Waking up with a stiff neck and something damp and sticky pressed to his face, it took Louis a long time to realise where he was, and even longer to focus and take in the familiar surroundings of his home.

 _Shit, why is everything so blurry…_ Blinking hard and rubbing his eyes with his palms didn't help, in fact it made it worse. A bit more awake but still in a blurry, soft focus place, Louis sat up and peeled something off of the side of his face.

Unravelling himself from the awkward position he'd been in, stretching and crunching as he stood to his full height. He'd been asleep on the sofa for god knows how long, and it felt like longer. _Ouch, how did that happen?_ Trying to recall last night through the blur and haze, the last thing he could recall was listening to Paint It Black, and being swept along by a tidal wave of emotion…

'Oh', he felt himself sag, shrink and crumple a little as the memory formed and woke him up further. There was no other explanation for it; he'd cried himself to sleep. That was why he could barely see. Last night, the shock of the memories and feelings the music had evoked in him had been too much and he'd crumbled. Crying himself to sleep, listening to Harry's copy of one of their favourite albums. He sighed as he realised he had it bad, worse than even he had acknowledged up until now.

Gritting his teeth he fought the urge to put his phone back together and call Harry, lay it all on the line and open up. Instead he shook his head and pulled at his own hair hard, distracting himself and putting that idea to the back of his mind. Muttering under his breath, 'Only a week to go and then we'll talk. I'll make things right.'

Feeling encrusted in sleep and memories, and in a bit of a trance, he walked slowly to the bathroom. Pulling the door open, squinting hard as the bright, artificial light seared into him. He felt like a rabbit in the headlights of his own home.

The steam of the shower started to fill the room. Louis wiped the condensation from the mirror, just enough to see himself looking back. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It was so blindingly, jarringly appropriate, but it broke his heart at the same time. There, for him and him alone to see in the safety of his empty home, printed down the entire right side of his face, like a stamp, claiming ownership – 'Harry's, keep your mitts off Louis!'

The irony, and hope, of the alternative reading of the statement inked on his face made Louis hesitate before stepping into the shower, looking at himself one more time.

He stepped under the scalding water, knowing, with ache in his chest, that it was washing away.

…

Jay had lost count of the number of times she'd called his mobile and his home phone. She'd also sent him eight emails – two a day – she kept it to that, she didn't want to be too pushy. Maybe he just really did need some space to think.

She knew Louis better than anyone, and this was his style with the really important stuff, ignoring it, brushing it off and trying to force it to go away.

Thinking back to the awkward non-conversation on Tuesday, Jay felt guilty. As soon as she'd asked the question - intentionally hitting that raw nerve - she knew she'd started a train of events that wouldn't stop until they were resolved. One way or another.

She had no idea what this, resolved, would look like. But she knew she'd be there for him and that he had to be true to himself.

She loved her son more than anything, she knew by pushing it as an issue she was causing him pain, scratching the top off a scab that ran deep. But knowing (and the look in his eye in the park told her all she needed to know) that he understood that it came from a place of caring, eased her guilt and strengthened her resolve.

She would see her son happy.

…

Gemma packed in a rush, trying to look calm and casual. _Fuck it; I don't want to give him time to change his mind. Do I even need half of this shit?_ thinking to herself, adrenaline pushing her on.

Harry was sat in the corner of the room scribbling in a notebook – lyrics most likely, she wasn't sure. But it was good to see her brother engrossed in something, the lights were still on and even though he still looked tired, he looked a little more like himself. He was concentrating hard, it was written all over his face, but Gemma was still careful to give her best impression of calm, collected and nonchalant. She felt the polar opposite inside.

The mood had lifted ever since she had asked – well told really – whether she could join him back on tour. Any awkwardness between them had evaporated and every cell in Gem's body told her this was a good thing to do. The right thing to do.

….

He was engrossed in the contents of his notebook, it was written all over his face – a perfect mask. Lyrics or just random phrases, it didn't make any difference. Band life had taught Harry to be something of a multi-tasker and as he watched Gemma, and also scribbled nonsense in his notepad, he knew he had that skill down.

Having his sister on tour with him, and have her meet some of his contacts was the least he could do. Gemma had been there for him countless times growing up. Harry had got a lucky break, and helping Gem's achieve her dreams was the least he could do.

 _Fuck's sake Harry, you know that's not true,_ he scribbled in his notebook. He felt guilty as he accepted that helping his sister made him feel good, and that the thought of having her on tour made him breathe easier.

The guilt was eating him up, but he had done it for the right reasons. Pretending to be asleep in the club, muttering under his breath, he had honestly said what he'd been feeling – what he was always feeling. Louis was never off of his mind. And he did need Gem's help - he was just terrified to outright ask for it.

Harry added deceiving his sister to the list of things he wasn't proud of.

 _I'd do anything to save it., Why is it so hard to say it?_ he wrote those lines over and over filling a full page of his notebook.

And he willed himself to have the courage to act, to say what he was feeling. To have the conviction to stand by those sentiments.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The last week at home went by in a blur. Harry couldn't decide whether it was flying by or dragging along too slowly. All he did know was that he had an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach that was growing progressively as the week ebbed away. He distracted himself each day meeting friends and writing ideas for new songs – songs which were an odd combination of terribly melancholic and overly romantic.

He also helped Gemma get organised for their life back on tour.

Even in her worst moods Gem had the ability to make Harry laugh and forget for a while. Packing, or the lack thereof, was a prime example. Harry knew that he was disorganised, but Gemma took it to a whole other level.

 _Where the hell are my snow boots'_ she grumbled, throwing flip flops and crumpled vest tops in all directions looking for the elusive boots. _'Fucks sake, I know they're here somewhere'._

Harry tried to disguise a burst of laughter into a cough. Either way, it interrupted his sister's ranting, She scowled at him _'What's so funny? Our flight leaves in four hours and I haven't even started packing.'_

That much was clear. In fact, the washing machine was still churning away in the kitchen, as she frantically tried to wash and dry nearly her entire wardrobe in one day.

Harry tried to wipe the smirk off of his face, _'Stop for a second. Think about where we're going?'_

Gemma looked at him confused, _'Back on tour, obviously.'_

 _'And',_ Harry carried on, really grinning now, _'what's the date?'_

 _'Why the hell do you need to know what the date is?'_

' _We're touring the US at the tail end of summer, and you're looking for snow boots! How long are you planning on staying for exactly?'_ Harry said in mock seriousness.

 _'Oh, I, um, well I'm just trying to be organised. I'm not assuming...'_ but before she could finish Harry had tackled Gemma to the floor in a massive bear hug, and she could see he was grinning from ear to ear.

 _'I'm kidding! Stay with us long as you like! Just calm down with the life or death packing, there are shops where we're going you know!'_

Having Gem with him on tour was going to be good fun, Harry knew this for sure. The easy banter was just what he needed in his life right now. He also knew that his sister had a softer, deeper side, and in time, back on the road, Harry would open up to her and let her know about the constant internal battle he was fighting.

Harry's phone buzzed and he scrambled back across the room to retrieve it – disappointed again. He was pretty sure that even back on tour, he wouldn't admit to Gem that every time he had a text or a missed call his pulse would quicken and he'd get goose bumps, willing it to be Louis. He was left disappointed each and every time.

...

Louis paced around his living room like a caged animal. They would be back on tour in two days. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a very tall cliff face – working out how to take the leap into the unknown.

Each time he paced past the mirror in the lounge he caught sight of himself. This time away from each other, to think, had been painful but good. It had made things a little clearer. Looking at himself now, the ashamed, guilty figure from a couple of weeks ago was gone.

Pacing and pacing, thinking and thinking, Louis suddenly realised he needed to stop, stop thinking and starting doing. Grabbing a pen and the battered album sleeve, he started to write.

He was shaking, struggling to make his writing legible. He was shaking so badly he had to stop and take a few deep breaths. Gulping down the last remnants of doubt and fear, he put pen back to paper and knew that those few sentences would be some of the most important written in his life.

…...

The airport was busy with people coming and going. Harry smiled to himself as he realised how different this was to the last time he'd stood in the very same airport just a month ago. He was happy, happy to have Gemma around, and to be going back on tour.

They'd finally finished packing two hours ago; leaving half of Gemma's stuff behind in the end, deciding it could get sent on to them.

The flight was fun; it was the first time Gemma had travelled first class. One of the perks of having a 'celebrity' baby brother, that was for sure. Even though Harry had looked entirely awkward with the upgrade from business to first they'd got.

They settled into their seats and the time drifted past easily, a mixture of movies, music, naps free drinks and chatting about nothing in particular.

As they got nearer the end of the flight Gemma wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but she thought Harry had become quieter, with a slightly strained look in his eyes when he smiled. Trying to ignore it, Gemma moved the conversation back to who Harry was going to introduce her to. She made a mental note though, not to leave it too long before she tried to get Harry to open up to her.

…..

Finding their driver, after a little bit of a struggle, they both slept for most of the journey. Arriving at the hotel they would be based in for a week or two, it was dark and raining by the time they got there.

Dragging their bags to the lift – Harry drew the line at being helped with those, celebrity or not – it took two trips to get all of their stuff up onto the spacious corridor outside their suite. Fumbling for his key card, half asleep, Harry finally opened the door and walked on in, dragging a couple of bags behind him.

 _'What the...'_ hearing a crash and clatter behind him Harry turned to see Gemma slumped against the wall in the hallway, bag hanging off her shoulder. _'What happened?'_ Harry asked, confused. _'I tripped on something, it's over there',_ Gemma said, pointing to the envelope that she'd kicked into living area.

Walking over and picking it up Harry's stomach dropped to his feet, heart pounding as he recognised the handwriting on the envelope. Hands shaking as he slowly and carefully opened the envelope, not wanting to tear or damage it. He peered in and felt his eyes prick with tears as disappointment washed over him. It was his own copy of Aftermath. He'd left it at Louis' the last time he'd been there, months ago. He hadn't realised that Louis was already at the hotel. Muttering under his breath _'I guess that's his way of drawing a line under everything then.'_

He slid the record out of the envelope and frowned at the condition it was in. It was old, but Harry was careful with things that were precious to him. The album sleeve was a mess, crumpled and rippled, as if it had been left out in the rain.

He put it down on a coffee table in the middle of the room, and sadly went to walk away. Turning back to get his phone, he noticed it for the first time. He couldn't believe it at first, but once he saw it he couldn't tear his eyes away, everything around him fading out as the handwriting came into sharp focus...

Written alongside his own writing, in Louis' distinctive handwriting, 'Harry, I don't really know what to say, or what any of this means, but I miss you so much. I need you in my life more than anything. We need to talk. I am not going to lose you. Louis x'

…..

That was all Harry had been waiting for, even if he hadn't known it until now.

Ignoring the overwhelming urge to turn and hide, he ran out of his suite, early hours of the morning be damned, mind racing at a million miles an hour. Gemma's confused shouts left in his wake.

…...

Harry woke with a start, confused for a few minutes, initially not sure of where he was. He realised, as he lay slowly waking up, that he was in a hotel suite that had become his second home not that long ago. Before all the distance had started and then become normal. It was still dark and the suite was silent. Almost scared to move, he looked across the room to the other sofa to see Louis sleeping peacefully.

Harry silently thanked the universe that they were creatures of habit when it came to hotel bookings.

They hadn't really talked last night. It'd been 3am when Harry had arrived, out of breath and severely jet-lagged, banging on Louis hotel room door. But the look on Louis' face as he'd opened the door, told him he was doing the right thing. The fleeting look of worry, followed by surprise, relief and then excitement that had passed across Louis' face spoke volumes. In that moment, though they were confused and scared, both were just as certain they had something there worth fighting for – worth losing things for.

Harry stared at the ceiling thinking for an hour or so, the room getting gradually lighter around him. Louis started to stir and Harry was suddenly not sure if he wanted him to wake up yet.

The time they'd spent together before jet-lag had won out had been so tender. Louis, pulling him into a tight embrace, squeezing him in a way that spoke of regret and longing; and more than anything, something that felt to Harry a lot like love.

When they had eventually pulled apart, the hint of awkwardness and unresolved and unspoken conversations kicked in. Louis had spent a lot of time sat next to him, leg touching him, seemingly deep in thought. Harry, in a haze of jet-lag, realised, but couldn't help, the overly-fond giveaway smile he knew was on his face when he looked in Louis' direction.

He'd missed Louis so much it had physically hurt. He'd only survived at all by closing himself down, locking his heart away. But now, now he was open, as easy to read as before. Wearing his heart vulnerably on his sleeve.

 _'Morning Hazza did you sleep ok?'_ and that one line, so normal and innocuous, had Harry's heart beating hard and fast, and that felt good, really, really good.

…

Louis realised he hadn't felt this happy and relaxed in months. And that was saying something considering how unbelievably awkward this had the potential to be.

He wasn't sure exactly why he had spent the last hour pretending to be asleep. He was almost able to convince himself it wasn't because he wanted to hear Harry breathing, that would just be creepy he cringed to himself. He was scared that when they were awake, in the cold light of day, it would be awkward conversation after awkward conversation.

Lying there thinking, he pictured Harry's face when he answered the door last night. He'd looked happy, really happy; he looked more alive than Louis had seen him in months. Trying to fight back the blush he realised was going to give his 'sleeping' away, it made his head spin to know that he had made Harry that happy. Forty-one words, scribbled on a battered, tear-stained album sleeve had done that to him.

Feeling the sunlight through his closed eyes, Louis needed...no, he wanted, to wake up and see Harry, to speak to him, to try and work out what was going on. They needed to figure out what they were. When they'd embraced last night on his doorstep, it had felt wonderful, scary, but wonderful. Having Harry pressed against him, feeling him close, felt a lot like love.

Steeling himself and concentrating on the memory of how Harry had looked at him last night, he pushed away the doubts and fears for now and used every ounce of the performer in him to sound casual and calm. _'Morning Hazza, did you sleep ok?'_

Harry looked over and smiled a genuine, easy smile, not saying a word.

And more than anything Louis was surprised how natural that sounded, and how good it had felt to say it. How good it would feel to wake up to Harry every morning.

….

They ate breakfast in comfortable silence, alternating between not looking at each other at all and holding each other's gaze, fond, for too long. Both aware that this had the potential to be amazing or go horribly wrong; both worked hard to try to ease the tension that was building.

Louis looked up, and without thinking, heard himself say ' _You look like you could sleep for days and it still wouldn't be enough.'_ Seeing the hurt look flash across Harry's face for just a second, he kicked himself and tried to make up for it, ' _Why don't we watch a DVD, we don't need to be anywhere today. You'd be doing me a favour, you know I hate my own company.'_

Harry agreed to the stalling tactic. They decided on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang both stating, in all seriousness, that it was a modern great and not appreciated enough.

 _Can we have snacks? And nothing healthy please',_ Harry asked. Seconds later, they were settled on the sofa with bowls of popcorn and pretzels between them.

 _'Oh my god, you're not serious...', Loui_ s was nearly in tears, laughing so hard, _'...stop hiding, he's not that scary!'_

Harry was wide-eyed and peering through his fingers, whispering _'What are you talking about, he's terrifying! Look at him!'._

Even after years of knowing him, Louis loved finding out random facts about Harry, and knowing that he was outright terrified of the Child Snatcher was just another thing to add to the list of things that made him who he was.

They carried on watching the film, in peaceful silence. Or more precisely, Louis carried on watching the film, humming along quietly to the songs. Harry snored along, having fallen asleep with his hands still hiding his face from the terror that was the Child Snatcher.

Louis found himself watching Harry sleep peacefully, still jet lagged it would seem. And then it was warm, and so comfortable, the sugar rush from the snacks wearing off fast. And he whispered to himself, _'I'll just close my eyes for a minute.'_

….

When Louis woke up he couldn't move. There was something heavy on him, and it was squeezing him tight. Taking a few seconds to remember, Louis found himself at peace with the situation, of Harry sleeping and holding him tightly. He remained still, smiling, eyes still closed and soaking the feeling up, savouring it.

Drifting back to sleep, he snuggled in and enjoyed it, cherishing the weight, secretly worried that this might be the last time he'd experience it. Everything was going to be so complicated.

He frowned, trying to push that thought to the back of his mind. Harry shifted and groaned, as Louis felt him exhale warmly, waking up. Harry waking, all they could do was stare into each other's eyes; there was nowhere else to look. Their lips were so close they could feel each other's breath warm against their skin.

 _Hi',_ Harry whispered into Louis' mouth. Louis just smiled and enjoyed the feeling of accidental closeness.

Still not moving, and looking at him sleepily, but also sounding worried, Harry whispered, so quietly Louis thought he'd imagined it, _'Can I stay in your suite tonight? Just on the sofa? I just want to be near you.'_

 _'Of course, I'd love it if you stayed.'_ Louis heard himself saying as they moved closer.

And without really realising it their lips met.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

When Louis woke up again it was still dark; he squinted to force the clock on the other side of the bedroom to come into focus. _Urgh, it's not even six yet._ Stretching, feeling the emptiness of his bed, hearing his bones crack and pop, he knew, whether he remembered it or not he'd had a restless night's sleep.

Feeling like a caffeine deprived zombie, he forced himself out of bed and towards the living room - bracing himself. Ready to have, or at least start to have, the difficult conversations they had succeeded in avoiding for the last two nights.

 _'Hey Harry'_ , he half said, half whispered, as he walked across the room.

He knew it before he saw it. The empty sofa was screaming at him in the silence of the room. Harry was gone, and long gone it seemed, the blankets and pillows holding no trace of his warmth.

There was one measly, inanimate object left on the sofa, in the gaping hole Harry had left. And honest to god, Louis could nearly hear it laughing at him. Angry at himself, he grabbed it, ready to throw it across the room, to tear it to pieces.

But the laughing turned into pleading. Pleading at him to take a second, a second to read the few words scribbled on it.

'I love you, but I need time to think. If we're going to be something I need to be clear in my own mind. I don't want to drag you into the mess going on in my head, you don't deserve that – you're too important to me. Speak soon. And don't worry x'

And for the second time in as many weeks, Louis was crying on to that god forsaken album sleeve. Every word Harry had written confused him, breaking and mending his heart as he read.

 _He needs to think._

 _But he loves me._

 _And I'm important to him._

And the single kiss, smeared with a long passed tear that Louis knew wasn't his own, shattered his heart into tiny pieces.

…..

Harry felt like two very different parts of the same confused person. He walked back to his hotel suite, corridors deserted, still early enough not to worry about anyone recognising him.

He tried to look at himself objectively – as an outsider looking in. On the surface he seemed to have a bounce in his step, and a silly half smile on his sleep deprived face. But underneath there was something else, there was the hint of a frown, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and a slight drag in his step. An uneasy combination; and it felt that way too.

Thinking back; half asleep on Louis' sofa, it had all felt easy, right, and natural. Waking up in the late evening, holding him, and feeling brave enough to brush their lips together.

In that one moment on Louis' plush hotel sofa, Harry had never felt more sure of anything. Whether he wanted to be or not, whether it was going to be easy for them or not. The truth was he loved Louis. And he was pretty sure he was only kidding himself, and hurting Louis, by fighting it.

This was not the type of love that would grow into a deep friendship. This was a love that was all consuming, obsessive, and almost too much for him to handle.

Grumbling out loud Harry muttered to himself, _'Why do good things have to be so complicated.'_

…

Jay nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone rang. It was the first time in weeks that she'd heard the ringtone that meant it was Louis.

She calmed herself, and decided to let it go to voicemail. Centring herself and taking deep breaths. She willed herself. _Don't have a go at him. But make him tell you what's going on. He needs your help._

And sure enough, her phone rang again; the Louis she hadn't heard from for weeks was now very much trying to get in contact with her. _What's changed?_ she wondered to herself, knowing full well the subject, if not the content, of the conversation they would be having very soon.

Her heart broke as she listened to the voicemail Louis had left; he sounded desperately sorry, but also confused and unsure of himself. 'Mum, I, um...I'm really sorry…I've been a terrible son. I'm so sorry I left without seeing you…I know you're only trying to help. I'm sorry. And you have every right to tear me to shreds…but… I could really do with talking to you if you have time.'

The crack in Louis' voice was all she needed to hear. He might try to hide behind flippant words, but to Jay it was crystal clear, her son needed her help and she'd been waiting for weeks to be able to support him. Grabbing her phone, she dialled, determined to help Louis sort this out before it ate him up and spat him out.

…..

As he crept back into his suite, and silently closed the door, Harry felt guilt wash over him. He'd dragged his sister half way around the world, and then abandoned her with no explanation as soon as they'd arrived. 'Some brother I am', Harry mumbled to himself.

Entering the warmth of the suite seemed to have a draining effect on him. As soon as he shut the door the overwhelming urge to sleep hit him. _No; you don't deserve to sleep after the crappy way you've behaved, you owe her an explanation._

He stepped into the bathroom and on into the shower. He was trying, and failing, to wash the sleep and the guilt away. Harry's thoughts would not do as they were told and were determined to punish him. They drifted to Louis' face, the face that had been full of worry, surprise, relief, and then excitement seeing Harry at his door. That had felt so intense. Intense to know he could make Louis feel all those things. But now, now he was pretty sure that all he had left Louis feeling was confused and anxious.

'Harry, Harry, are you ok? Where the hell have you been?'

Jolting him out of his self-pity. A sinking feeling set in as the pounding at the bathroom door continued. It left him in no doubt that Gem would not let him escape easily. He was going to have to explain himself.

…..

His sister looked more tired than he'd ever seen her. Hints of dark shadows under her eyes, and worry lines criss-crossing her face. He felt a pang of guilt wash across him as he realised he was the cause of it.

'Where the fuck have you been? I haven't slept. You ran out in tears, and then I hear nothing from you for almost two days. What the hell's going on?'

Put like that, and seeing the state his sister was in, Harry couldn't exactly argue. He did owe Gem an explanation and fast.

….

Pacing backwards and forwards, Louis was wearing a groove, he was sure, into the obnoxiously plush carpet. Finally, Jay answered the phone, and relief surged through him. He would have to tell her now, and that would be a good thing. Holding it all in, this secret was killing him.

His mum sounded tired and worried as they spoke. The feisty spark he was so used to, and had inherited, was well hidden. He felt like he wanted the ground to swallow him up as he realised he'd made her feel like that.

'Louis, you know I love you more than anything, but where the hell have you been, I've been trying to get hold of you for weeks. This is not the way you treat family, and you know it. What's going on?'

Hearing the shuddering breath and teary tremble in her son's voice broke her heart, but she had to get him to do this. Even though she already knew roughly what was going on, he needed to be honest with her, and say it out loud so she could help him.

'Mum, it's Harry, I think I love him, and I think even though he's really scared, he loves me too. I don't care what I lose, I need him.'

And even though she could hear he was upset, she smiled down the phone line. This was massive, progressing more than she could've imagined. They were going to be fine, it wasn't going to be easy, but she knew that nothing would keep them from being with each other.

….

Gemma chose her words carefully, 'I need you to be honest with me, what's going on? This isn't normal and I'm worried. You're happy-ish one minute, and crying and down the next'

Silence hung between them, a ticking clock the only sound.

'Come on, I know you inside out and back to front. Secrets and you just don't get along, they eat you up inside. Just talk to me.'

More silence. And now Gemma could feel herself getting annoyed.

'Harry, be fair, you dragged me half way across the world, and abandoned me as soon as we got here. I deserve to know what's going on. If you don't tell me, and tell me now, I'm packing my bags and leaving tonight.'

She knew that was a low blow. But it had finally done the trick.

Harry's head snapped up out of his hands, eyes wide, staring at his sister in shock. 'I dragged you here! What do you mean I dragged you here? You begged me to come, for your career.'

Letting out a loud sigh Gemma fixed her little brother with a determined look, 'Harry, we need to stop with the lying, it's a waste of time and energy.'

Getting angry himself now, Harry snapped back, _'_ What lying, what do you mean?' But even as the words left his mouth he realised Gemma had been on to him from the beginning. Had seen straight through him. From the airport, their conversation at home, in the club, on the flight back to the US, and most certainly now.

'Oh', was all Harry could muster, feeling embarrassed as the reality sunk in.

'Oh, indeed. I'm not an idiot. As soon as I saw you at the airport I knew something was wrong. I've known you every day of your life. I held you as a baby. We've made more memories together than I can put into words. But when you walked towards me in the airport I barely recognised you.'

Harry tried to jump in and protest, but Gemma just carried on not pausing for breath.

'And in the club, what the hell was that. You were wasted before we even got there. In the taxi our friends kept on giving me worried looks. We were all so concerned about you – I decided that night that I would come and stay with you for a bit. That night it seemed like you just wanted to get drunk and escape from something for a while.'

It was so quiet, Gemma only barely heard the whisper from her brother, 'I did want to escape.'

'Escape from what though, what were you trying to escape from?' Gemma gently questioned.

And the silence was back, heavier than ever.

'Harry, you have to tell me, I need to hear it from you'.

And now the silence was deafening.

'Harry, for fucks sake, I already know. And I know you wanted me to hear what you said the club when you were pretending to be asleep. I'm not totally naïve. But I need to you to say it now. Say it to me and to yourself.'

Gemma had got so engrossed in what she was saying, she hadn't really looked at Harry too closely. In this latest silence she looked over and could see her little brother had his head in his hands, and he was shaking. He was crying, tears streaming down his face and dripping on to his lap.

Not being able to handle the tough love any longer, Gemma stood, walked over, and wrapped him in her arms, stroking his hair, trying to sooth the tears away. They stayed like that for a good few minutes. The crying easing off for a while, and then coming backing in a new wave.

Gemma never eased her grip, and Harry clung on just as hard. Harry felt like a ship without an anchor, being tossed about and broken to pieces. The only thing he had to hold onto right in that moment was Gemma. And he owed her honesty if nothing else.

'It's Louis, I'm in love with him.'

Wow. Harry hadn't expected it to feel like that. Just saying it out loud to someone else: he felt like a tonne of bricks had been lifted. He still felt scared, and worried and anxious. But one thing he didn't feel anymore was confused. He had never felt surer of anything. He loved Louis, and he had to try to make it work.

Gemma's voice dragged him out of his thought, 'Baby bro, that's great. I'm so massively happy for you. But what's with all the drama? I'm no expert, but I think love's meant to swell your heart not rip it in half.'

Harry gave her a look she hadn't seen before. It was mainly sorrow, but there was relief and amusement in their too, 'Gem, when did you get so smart? You've been on to me the whole time. You're the best big sister anyone could ask for, I hope you know that.'

'You'd do the same for me, and you know it.' Gemma smiled back.

'What trick you into letting me travel around the world with you on the pretence of my career?' Harry laughed.

'Yeah, ha, bloody, ha,' Gemma dead-panned, 'I'm not falling for the whole "distract her with compliments and humour" thing. Now I've got you talking, you may as well tell me what's going on with Louis. Why is it such a struggle?'

Put like that Harry really didn't know where to start. Sensing it, Gemma pulled him back into the hug and simply said, 'Just start from the beginning.'

So he did.

'I've never met anyone like Louis before. He's just amazing. So strong, so loyal, clever, talented at everything, generous, caring and a much better person than I could ever be.

'When we first met we clicked straight away, he's a total dork like me, and we're into all of the same things. But there was something else there between us, we never talked about what it was, never acted on it. But it was definitely there.

'I guess we fell much harder than we realised. And we were much more obvious than we thought we were being. It was easy to start with, we were in our own little bubble, caught up in each other.

'The fans started to notice how close we were, and then I think our team started to worry about how rumours would affect us trying to break the US. And they never asked me before they changed things. Before they started to organise separate cars to events, to group us differently in interviews. The distance just became a thing, and it was hard to start with, really hard.

'But I feel like I owe everything to Simon. And they showed me the contracts we'd signed, pointed out that they could do what they were doing. And I felt like I had to go along with it, didn't feel like I had any choice. But I can't do it anymore, it's killing me.

'It's too hard; I closed myself off, played a part. But it's eating me up inside. And I know now that I need him, I love him. And I don't care what I have to do, and what I have to lose to get him to understand that.

'But I'm scared that he won't want me. I've made a right mess of things, going along with everything. Not being braver, not fighting harder. The media are going to eat me up and spit me out after all the stories about me dating so many people. Why would he want to be part of that mess?'

By the end of it Harry was in tears again, and so was Gemma. She'd never heard her brother sound so heartfelt and utterly broken.

Composing herself, she hugging Harry again, whispering into his hair, 'I think you need to stop talking to me and start talking to Louis. Don't assume anything. You're not going to know how he's feeling until you give him the chance to tell you. Don't run away and hide, face it. You might just get something, and someone, amazing at the end of it.'

…..

'Just talk to him.'

'Mum, it's not that easy. If it was, I would've done it by now believe me.'

With a heavy sigh, but trying to be sympathetic, Jay pushed a little more. 'I know it's not easy, relationships never are. But honestly, I'm confused, what's the worst that could happen? What's worse than this weird limbo you two are in? You know it can't go on like this.'

They fell into silence after that. Not a stubborn silence. No, this was filled to the brim with thoughts and feelings. And Jay listening, waiting while her son wrestled with the question she'd just posed.

After what felt like an eternity, a very small voice came down the line, sounding tiny, vulnerable and childlike.

'I could lose him altogether. That's the worst thing that could happen. I don't think I would survive losing him.'

Trying to stay strong for her son, those words - those honest heart breaking words - made Jay hold her breath and blink away the tears threatening to break free. Composing herself, and wishing she could hold him close, she paused, contemplating.

'But Louis, you do understand don't you? Unless you start being honest with each other, and talk about what's going on, you're going to end up losing him anyway.'

Louis sighed in an odd sort of sad and resigned way. And Jay didn't know that her heart could be broken so easily. All it took was two words from her son to break it in half.

'I know.'

Jay tried desperately to pull herself back together, wiping at the tears streaming down her face. Knowing that she had to be staying strong for him.

'Mum, please don't cry. It's ok, really it is, I'm ok.' And Louis' whole being cried out for a hug from his mum, to feel the comfort of her warm embrace.

'But love, it's not enough to be ok. You deserve to be happy. And I'm so worried for you. I know you're scared. Scared of losing him altogether if you go for this and it doesn't work out.

'You have to talk to him. Give it a chance, see what happens. I know your circumstances are difficult. But if you stay paralysed by the fear of what might go wrong, you're never going to know what the two of you are or aren't capable of being.'

They stayed quiet for what felt like a long time. And Louis whispered, scared to let the words out into the world, _'_ I know it's not enough to just be ok. I woke up in the middle of the night, missing the feeling of his lips on mine. Missing the feeling of his arms around me, the smell of him. But Mum, I'm so scared. Scared that if we try to be something and it doesn't work we'll be left with nothing at all.'

Finally, fully able to compose herself, Jay hugged her phone to her ear, trying to will Louis to hear the wisdom in her words, 'Love, you need to have more faith in yourself and in Harry. You read the note to me. Yes he's scared. But he loves you. And he's not going to change his mind about having you in his life just because the two of you decide to take a chance and risk being brave.'

The silence hung in the air, not as easy as earlier, and Jay wondered if she had gone too far. If she'd pushed him away. If the walls had gone back up again, like in the park all those weeks ago. But finally, finally, two little words broke through the silence.

'I know.'

And this time those two small, quiet words had a completely different tone to them. She could hear the small smile in her son's voice.

'I know he loves me. And I know more than anything that I love him. That's the easy bit. The hard part is doing something about it. And what we risk by trying.

'But you're right, ok is not enough anymore. I need to speak to him. And I need to do it now before I change my mind again.'

And with that, ending the call with a few final tears, and promises to keep Jay updated, Louis closed the hotel room door behind him, with only one destination in mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Harry was hoping that the steam and heat from the shower would sober him up and stop his head from spinning. Drinking in the day was a bad idea. But after their long, tense, conversation, it hadn't taken much for Gemma to persuade him that hitting the mini bar was a good idea. In theory just what he needed to relax and think through what he was going to do next. in practice, not so much.

Letting his head rest against the tiled wall, hot water pummelling tense shoulder muscles, he took a moment to imagine how things could be. What the future could hold. A future of loving Louis instead of trying to ignore him. They were so young, Harry only just eighteen. But he knew that Louis was it for him. He'd found the person he hadn't even been looking for. Lucky to have found him so early in life. Images of going on holiday together, shopping together, celebrating birthday's together, all drifted in the steam, so real he could almost touch them. Grab them and hold them tight, will them into reality.

The water turning tepid brought him back to the present, not knowing if the change in temperature was the cause of the goose bumps covering his skin or the visions of their potential future. And as for what to do next, what to do to make that potential a reality. That was going to have to wait, just for a minute, as right then, getting out of the shower was suddenly all he could think about. The steam and moisture causing him to shift from a little drunk, to nauseous and claustrophobic.

Stepping out into the cold air of the bathroom, he had to grab hold of the sink as a woozy feeling took over. 'Shit I need to lie down, I feel sick'.

Wandering into the master bedroom, lying down on the bed wrapped in a towel, he felt himself drift off to sleep. After what felt like only minutes, he woke to the buzzing of his phone, lying discarded on the floor, as he'd slept though god knows how many missed calls.

Bleary eyed, rubbing them hard and not trusting what he was seeing, his heart started beating heavily at the sight of Louis' name. Panicked thoughts of, _this is too soon, I'm not ready, shit, I'm still drunk,_ caused him to delay in answering _._

But eventually, even thinking doubtful thoughts, he composed himself and answered the phone, readying himself for the conversation waiting at the other end of the line.

'Hi Lou. Are you ok?... I was asleep sorry, where are you?... Let you in where?... Oh...'

And his heart was beating so fast now, throat dry, palms tingling, not trusting himself to believe that Louis was just the other side of door.

'Just give me a minute, I need to get dressed', and with, ending the call, he had no choice but to get dressed and face Louis, whether he was ready or not.

Frantically pulling on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, he took a deep breath, took a few steps and opened the door.

…

Louis was halfway through an awkward _'Hi',_ trying to think of how to start the conversation when he noticed a look in Harry's eye that made him pause in the doorway.

The air seemed to shift around them, time slowing down. Harry's gaze fixed on Louis' lips.

In one movement, Harry pulled him over the threshold, and was kissing him with a sloppy urgency Louis had never felt before. More than anything Louis wanted to kiss him back and never stop. But the taste of alcohol on his lips and the sudden urgency of the kiss made him push Harry away.

And then the words came out in a hurry, 'Stop. It's too easy to do this, and it feels amazing. But it doesn't mean anything like this, not really.

'It's too painful. Doing this without knowing what it means. It's not fair. On either of us. We need to talk. Decide what we are and what we can be.

'Because I want us to be everything.'

….

Looking at Louis. Beautiful, stunning Louis, standing in the doorway looking unsure, made every hair on Harry's body stand on end. Shivering and shaking without realising it. It felt like he was on fire, or had electricity surging through him.

Thinking the remnants of thoughts, thoughts of their future, he felt the air shift between them, found his gaze drop to Louis' mouth. And suddenly, more than anything he needed to kiss him. Taking a single step forward, he pulled Louis to him, crashing their mouths together.

Getting swept up in the moment he'd waited so long for, letting it consume him, he tried to ignore his conscience, the tiny nagging voice in the back of his head, _stop. It's too easy to do this….it doesn't mean anything like this, not really._

But it felt like it meant everything. Everything he'd been waiting for.

…..

A determined push to the chest reminded him of where he was. Bewildered, and not sure what to do next with the distance now between them. Louis, wide eyed and staring at him with more intensity than he'd ever seen, made it clear to Harry that he'd crossed a line. He'd made a big mistake.

As if on autopilot, Harry found the words came tumbling out, no filter available, 'I'm sorry, please come back to me, I need you. I need you kissing me right now. You're my everything.'

And Louis shot back, passion blazing in his eyes, _'_ of course you need me Harry. We've wanted each other for months. Since we met really.'

Although still pretty drunk, Harry could tell from Louis' face that he was a long way from being finished and back in his arms.

Louis ploughed on, _'_ I want you so badly. And you're not helping; I pushed you away for a reason. We need to talk before this goes any further.'

'But….' Harry heard himself say.

'But nothing. Off course I want this. But, you're not in a fit state to have this conversation now, we'll have it later. I'm not going anywhere.'

…..

And with that, Harry felt his whole body sag. Frustration didn't begin to explain it. Missing out on conversation and contact he'd been waiting months for, and all because of a lousy mini-bar drinking session. His stomach twisted with longing and worry. Worry that he'd ruined everything.

'Just go to bed for a bit and we'll talk later...' motioning to the bedroom, Louis carried on, '...don't worry; I'm not going to let you off the hook that easily.'

…...

'This is a bad idea, a bad, bad idea.'

But even thinking it, Louis slipped into bed next to a gently snoring Harry.

Getting him into bed had been something of a challenge. For some reason, giving him permission to sleep it off, had also given Harry permission to turn into a lead weight. And even though he was younger than Louis, he was taller and heavier, and being really, really annoying. 'Louis, come here, snuggle with me', he murmured, reaching out and trying to grab Louis' wrist but missing.

'No I think I'm ok over here.' Louis said, trying to remove Harry's socks and necklace from a safe distance.

But, exhausted after the war of the layers, the sight of Harry sleeping so soundly was oddly tempting. 'I need to be here to keep an eye on him, make sure he's ok. Nothing's going to happen.'

And true to his word nothing happened. Well, as long as being the big spoon with the person you love, and you're pretty sure loves you back, counts as nothing.

…..

'Hey you.'

'Hey you too.'

'So I guess we need to talk; we can't keep on throwing ourselves at each other like this.' Harry said, with a small, slightly timid smile.

'Excuse me', Louis shot back, 'I think you'll find there was only one person doing the throwing round here. I never knew I was so good at catching until a couple of hours ago.'

And remembering the drunken mess he'd been made Harry blush and squirm. 'Fair point. And, I am sorry, really, I shouldn't have kissed you.'

Louis was the one blushing now as he spoke, 'Well I do seem to be sharing a bed with you right now, so there's that as far as boundaries go.'

Harry was grinning now, and found Louis' hand winding their fingers together.

After what felt like an eternity, it was surprisingly Harry who spoke first. 'What's going on with us Lou?'

And the question hung in the air like a lead balloon.

….

'How is this fair, how can we know what we're meant to be doing, what we're willing to give up. We don't even know what "this" is'

And Louis sighed a hard, tired sigh, 'Well that's is why we need to talk about it. But come on Harry, I know we've never said it in so many words but we both know what this is. I've never felt this way about anyone else. I love you. And all these questions and worries, I know we need to talk and find answers. But I think that I know that you love me too. What are we afraid of? What are we waiting for?'

It was Harry's turn to sigh now, 'It's not people knowing about us, or even coming out really that I'm worried about. I don't care what people think about me when it comes to that. I love who I love, and yes I love you. I love you so much.'

Louis' breathe caught in his throat and the relief was palpable. He had been nearly sure that Harry was in love with him. But hearing him say it was something else. And the fact that Harry had considered and wasn't worried about coming out. Even though they weren't at that point yet. They could overcome anything.

Exhaling in relief he could hear the lightness in his own voice, 'Well if it's not that what is it? I'm sure we can make it work whatever it is.'

A look of worry, shame and panic crossed Harry's face in a flash. And Louis immediately backtracked on his thought that this was going to be easy.

….

'I know it sounds stupid, but less than two years ago I was a nobody.' Harry whispered.

'I would still be a nobody, maybe at Uni, maybe still at the bakery if it wasn't for Simon. He's the reason for all this, without him I'd still be fooling myself into thinking I was going to be somebody. I feel like I owe him everything.' And tears appeared in his eyes and streamed down his face in hot, angry rivers.

'Harry, you were, are, and always will be someone incredible. Don't ever think otherwise, it's just not true.'

And Louis hurt for him. Even saying the words, he knew that they were easy to say and hard to feel and believe.

'Thank you, I just wish I could believe it.' and Harry wept again.

And without even meaning to, in fact entirely not meaning to, Louis was kissing Harry's hot tears away. Places gentle butterfly kisses to his cheekbones, his eyelids, his jaw where the tears collected and fell. Swallowing them, urging them to stop and be replaced with that smile, those dimples he loved so much. He whispering words that he meant with every cell, every ounce of himself.

'I love you with my whole world, please believe that.'

And this time the kiss did mean something; in fact it meant everything.

… _._

The air was hot and heavy, the only sounds being soft and gentle notes of passion and want. After months of waiting, finally, finally just letting go and feeling was wonderful.

They lay together, savouring every moment, each still worried and unsure of how long this would last, what the future would hold. Neither particularly experienced in love or relationships, but pushing the worries and nerves to the back of some shared subconscious, in that moment, it felt right. It felt solid and built on something sturdy.

The kiss carried on for a beautifully long time. Neither wanted to be the one to do anything to break the spell they were under. There was passion there that was for sure, bubbling under and breaking to the surface in short, sharp shocks of emotion. But more than anything there was a comfort and an ease in each touch and taste. In the way Louis' tongue skimmed the roof of Harry's mouth, in the way they exchanged sighs and caresses. In each movement, emotion and feeling.

But in the end, in some unspoken agreement, they wrenched themselves away from each other. And they just sat, still tangle up, deep in thought, consumed by what they were feeling.

Neither man looked at each other or spoke for a long time. But there was no awkwardness or tension in the air. In fact, the air crackled with possibility, new beginnings, fresh green shoots of something neither had really believed was thinkable, not really.

Louis was the first to finally speak. 'I was a nobody too you know. Struggling to make it out of Doncaster. I owe Simon just as much as you do if not more.'

And he carried on, not letting Harry cut in, 'But if I have too I will give it all up. None of it's worth anything if I don't have you. Money, fame, acceptance. What's it worth if I let the most important thing in my life slip through my fingers. I would never forgive myself.'

The crack of emotion was right at the surface as Harry spoke, wide-eyed and almost stunned into a stupor, _'_ Y-you. I would give up anything for you. But I was never sure you felt the same way...'

And they were tangled back together again. In a kiss that this time spoke of relief, devotion and love. Pure, soul searching love.

There was a lot that still needed unravelling, not the least being Simon's stance on things. But the foundations were strong and in place. Each knew what they were willing to lose. And losing each other was not an option.

….

It was only just 9am.

They had covered so much ground. Laid themselves bare, talked about everything and nothing. All in the hours where most of the rest of the word was sleeping.

In a way, knowing they were alone, that they had the night to themselves, for the hundreds of thoughts and feelings they needed to put out into the world, had been reassuring. The darkness outside, and the stillness, had made them feel safe. In a vacuum of their own making.

But now as the sun started to rise, the mood started to shift and the deep, heartfelt conversations didn't come quite so easy. Didn't feel quite so necessary.

It might not have been ground breaking, or soul searching, but the sentence that left Harry's lips was more important than he could have realised. 'I'm fed up of being fed up. We've both been cooped up in our thoughts for weeks, months really. Can we just do something fun this weekend. No more talking. Let's just do. Let's just be.'

And the grin that passed between the two men said it all. This weekend was going to be a good one. Important, and normal. Just what they needed. Just what they had never had.

….

'What shall we do then?' and there was real curiosity in Louis' voice. The idea of doing something 'normal' feeling like an alien concept. Sure they had spent many an afternoon in the comfort of movie marathons and writing sessions. But that was before. Before the distance. Before they had been honest about what they were to each other.

'We could just stay here?' Harry asked hopefully.

And Louis smiled gently as he said it, 'No, we need to stop hiding away. Even if we don't mean to, that's what we're doing at the moment. Let's get out into the real world and make some memories.'

And Harry was grinning now, 'Memories, I can do memories. How about the zoo?'

'Erm, yeah, ok, a bit random, why? And where?' Louis asking.

'When I was little I used to love the zoo. I used to truly believe I could talk to the monkeys. I'd literally stand there all day and chat to them. I swear I could. Gem used to think I was crazy; she'd leave us in "conversation" and go off and explore. I don't remember, but she says that when she got back I'd still be listening intently and chatting away with them.

I haven't been to Chester Zoo in years. I'd like to go there again with you some day. But for now, I am sure LA must have a zoo, right? And you have to promise not to laugh at me.'

'I promise I won't laugh at you', Louis stuttered through his sobs of laughter.

'You can't promise not to laugh at me _while_ you're laughing at me.' Harry stated, through his own smile that he couldn't hold back.

'Come on, I'm just getting it out of my system. I really do still have a lot to learn about you.' Louis marvelled, tapering off with a, _'_ I can't wait to learn it all.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

For some reason Harry chose a zoo that was was an hours drive from LA. Louis knew that there were plenty nearer, but went with it, intrigued.

They took a hire car organised by the hotel. And the drive itself became one of their first new memories. Memories of holding hands, chatting about everything and nothing and just being. Getting to know each other again as people. Miles away from their worries and responsibilities.

In the quieter moments Louis took the opportunity to really look at Harry. It'd been a long time since he'd just spent time looking at him without having to worry about it. And looking now, Harry. Harry was just beautiful. Probably the most beautiful person Louis had ever seen. Physically, of course; gorgeous green eyes that looked like they had seen magical things; stunning lips that Louis now knew the feel of; a mop of shiny curls that Louis couldn't wait to sink his fingers into; delicate wrists leading to large hands that Louis could imagine doing all manner of things to him. He wasn't embarrassed of those thoughts now, not when he knew for sure that Harry felt the same way. But not just physically, Harry had a beautiful spirit as well; looking at him now, relaxed and carefree, He emitted a joy so pure, Louis wanted to write songs about him, sing them at the top of his lungs to anyone that would listen.

Dragging his gaze away and back to the view out of the window, roads became smaller and more rural, headed towards Orange County. And gradually it dawned on him, like a soft unveiling of something precious and prized. 'So that was why you picked a zoo that was so far away.' Louis said with a soft smile.

'Sorry what?' and with his best impression of unwitting innocence, Harry looked back with a small grin playing on those lips, a glint of excitement in those beautiful green eyes.

'I've worked you out, and it's really sweet. Giving us some space, somewhere we're less likely to get recognised, some time to just be ourselves. To start making new memories.'

Pulling into the small car park and coming to a halt, with laughter in his voice, Harry leaned across the gear stick, and whispered, hot, into Louis' ear, 'That's me, sweet all over.'

And if Louis had gone bright red in that moment, and had to give it a couple of minutes before getting out of the car. Well, he was glad, really glad, that Harry could see the effect he had on him. He deserved to know.  
….

Composed now, and with a spring in his step Louis pulled Harry along, chatting excitedly as they moved towards the entrance. 'Come on let's go talk to those monkeys. I can hear them from here, they're English cousins have told them all about you!''

And Harry laughed, holding Louis' hand even tighter, 'Yep, you really are the one for me.'  
…..

They wandered through the little zoo, quiet on a weekday afternoon, feeling anonymous for the first time in years. Getting carried away in the gift shop, they ended up in matching baseball caps with 'OC Zoo...Get Wild' emblazoned on them.

As they walked further, shoulders bumping, Louis nudged Harry, looking at him and smiling, 'That cap suits you curly, you should get a job here!', and in mock offence Harry grabbed Louis' cap, and plonked it back on his head backwards, 'Well Lou, you look far to hot in your's, and if you got a job here the customer's wouldn't bother with the animals, they'd just be looking at you.'

With that, Louis took off, twirling, shouting as he spun, 'Well Hazza, I can't help it if I'm irresistible can I!" And no, no he couldn't, and if Harry took that moment to look at Louis' arse, emphasised by the jeans he was wearing. Well, no one could blame him for it.

Coming to a wobbly halt, Louis took Harry's hand once again, and with a theatrical flourish, led the way, 'Come on curly, off to see those monkeys.'

…..

'Harry, cheer up, it's not the end of the world. Come on, there's loads of other things to do here. See, I see a polar bear over there, it's HUGE! Oh my god I never believed it when they said they were like 12 foot tall! And his hand really is the size of my head!

'And penguins too! Harry look! They're just like me, loads of energy and don't know what to do with it! What are they doing, do they even know what they're doing? Do they want swim, or do they want to fly? I think they want to be a bird and a fish and can't decide!'

Louis was trying, and failing, to distract Harry from the fact that there were no monkeys. They'd scoured the whole zoo and there was not one single, solitary, monkey to be seen.

Louis literally bounced on the spot, he was excited in his own right. Doing something just for fun was rare. and he was also trying to spread how he was feeling to the man next to him. But Harry, if he meant to or not, was resolutely down in the dumps and looked like he was on the verge of throwing the mother of all tantrums.

'But, but I can't believe it, what kind of zoo is this?'' And the pout was unintentional and absolutely adorable. More appropriate for a five year old really, but Harry wasn't acting or looking for attention, he really felt it, and in Louis' eyes that meant he could carry it off.

'Oh babe, come on, so they decided not to have monkeys anymore. That's ok. They still have hundreds of other animals we can talk to and laugh at!'

'But Lou, I really felt like I could tell them how I was feeling. They were such good listeners.'

They sulked their way around the zoo for another hour or so, looking at parrots, snakes, lemurs, marmosets (not 'proper monkeys' apparently), some sort of yellow-spotted lizard thing, mice, meerkats and finally a very grumpy and sedentary looking walrus.

It was the grumpy walrus that did it. Finally Louis decided that the sulking had to stop.

'Enough, enough. I'm sorry; I know this meant a lot to you. And I am not saying that it's silly. But wasn't the point of today, and this weekend, us having fun together? Just because some of your furry friends weren't here doesn't mean that's changed. Were still meant to be having fun!'

They carried on exploring the zoo and the park until it started to get dark. Harry finally letting go of the monkey no-show, and enjoying himself again. And as the afternoon drifted into dusk, the zoo got even quieter. And that meant a lot of time hugging Louis, chatting with Louis, and staring at Louis in adoration. Harry hadn't realised how much catching up they had to do, how much he'd missed him. Those months of separation meant he felt the need to make the most of every second they spent together. He just wanted to drink him in.

The drive back to their hotel felt comfortable and easy. And they both got the best night's sleep they could remember having in months, tangled up together in Louis' bed, Louis holding Harry close.

…...

'Hey you'

'Hey you too' Harry smiled and spoke through his yawn, welcoming Louis into the day.

'Breakfast?' Louis yawned back.

Still lying drowsily in bed. Debating what to do for breakfast. Drifting off into half-sleep, Louis hadn't noticed that Harry had stopped talking, he'd been too distracted by how cosy he felt. Soft kisses along his collarbone had him more alert and paying attention to what Harry was doing.

Looking up at him softly, kissing him deep and lazily. Harry pulled back, and started to suck and kiss along Louis collarbone again, biting at the junction between his jaw and neck, making Louis gasp and let out an involuntary groan. He carried on, kissing and sucking his way down his chest, stopping at each nipple, grazing each one with his teeth, causing Louis to let out another soft moan.  
Pulling Harry back up, up to eye level, they kissed again, hot and breathy this time.  
Breaking apart for a second, Harry licked into Louis' ear, whispering, sending sparks through Louis' whole body. 'Lou, can I give you a blow job? I really want to taste you. Was dreaming about it, it was so good, you were so good, please let me?' And lost for words, Louis nodded and felt himself tremble as Harry continued his journey down.

It felt like the best kind of torture, Louis knew that neither of them were very experienced, but Harry had a way of taking his time, slowly, inch by torturous inch, making him fall apart. Paying equal attention to every part of Louis' body, nibbling down his sides, nuzzling and licking under his arms, taking each finger into his mouth sucking and grazing with his teeth, placing a gentle kiss to each palm, swiping a strip down the centre of Louis stomach, licking and sucking at his belly button, biting at each hipbone, kneading and nipping at the inside of his thighs, breathing in deeply where his thighs met with thicker hair. Stopping he looked up, waiting for Louis' go-ahead. Shakily opening his eyes, it was almost too much for Louis to handle, the sight of the man in front of him. Gorgeous beautiful Harry, asking his permission for something he never thought would become a reality. Managing to form words, and whispering them out, 'Of course, please Harry...feels so good.'

Sinking back down between Louis spread legs, Harry bit on the inside of each of Louis' thighs, causing him to buck his hips and let out a moan of intense pleasure. Finally, finally, Harry wrapped one saliva-slick hand around the base of Louis' cock, laying his other arm across Louis' hips, holding him down. Moving and twisting his hand at a leisurely pace, Harry licked a stripe behind Louis' balls, taking them in his mouth and gently sucking. 'Oh god, yes, Harry….that feels...that feels…' but before he'd fully formed that thought, Harry sunk down, replacing his hand with his hot, wet, glorious mouth, 'fuck, Harry, fuck, oh god, you feel amazing, please don't stop…oh...' Licking along the underside of Louis' cock, taking the whole length in his mouth, and twirling his tongue around the head, Harry started to pick up speed, bobbing quickly, deeply, each time, causing Louis' cock to hit the back of his throat.

Louis could hear himself, so loud, moaning and gasping and groaning. Letting out soft, needy panting sounds with every move Harry made, feeling himself edging closer and closer to the pleasure growing deep inside of himself. He could feel that Harry was having to hold him down now, use the arm across his hips to stop him from bucking up. Teetering on the edge, Harry still taking him in deeply, sucking tightly, swirling his tongue in a way that had Louis hanging on by a thread. Then suddenly, gently, Harry was running a finger down the cleft of Louis' arse, just grazing his hole, back and forth, back and forth. And that was it, that was what tipped him over the edge. Louis was pulsing, hot down Harry's throat, hands tangled in his curls, thighs clamped around his head with Harry swallowing every drop.

Louis felt like he was sinking into the mattress, his body felt heavy and weighed down. After who knows how long, he came to, just enough to pull Harry up and in for a kiss, hard and full of meaning. And looking at Harry now, pulling him into a tight embrace, he felt in awe of the man in his arms, 'Harry...that was incredible, you're unbelievable. I've never felt anything like that before…I love you so fucking much.'

And he felt Harry shudder in his arms, bite down on his shoulder and let out a long, deep moan of his own, coming, painting long white stripes on Louis' stomach. Burying his head in Louis' hair, he whispered, quiet, shakily, 'That's what you do to me Lou, seeing you fall apart, hearing you say you love me, that's what it does to me. That's what you do to me.'

…


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Harry drifted in and out of sleep, warm and nestled into the blankets, only the rumbling of his own stomach finally rousing him into a semi-awake state. He stretched, freeing himself from the blanket cocoon, ready to restart the breakfast conversation he'd distracted them from earlier. Turning, he'd expected to see Louis, either still asleep, or waiting for him to wake up. What he hadn't expected was to be met only by a crumpled expanse of empty bed.

'Lou, morning again!', no reply, 'Lou, come back to bed and we can decide on breakfast…' still nothing. Finally getting out of bed, Harry made his way over to Louis' still-packed suitcases in the middle of the room, looking for a pair of boxers.

He'd just found a pair and was pulling them on, stomach still growling in hunger. Distracted and unaware, the delicate hands coming to rest on his hips made him jump. They were followed by gentle kisses placed on the back of his next and Louis pressing against him from behind, crowding into him. Still pressed up to Harry, Louis, now drawing small circles on each of Harry's hip bones, whispered, 'I've got a surprise for you...I hope you like it...'

With that, Louis moved his hands from where they had been resting and covered Harry's eyes. Not knowing where they were headed now, Harry placed his trust in Louis to know that whatever this surprise was that he'd like it. After a few steps he felt the carpet from the bedroom turn into cold tile. He could feel warm, damp, steam on his skin, scents of orange and ginger hanging in the air. Still 'blindfolded' Louis guided him across what Harry had worked out was the en-suite and said, 'I need my hands back for a minute, but it's still a surprise, so you need to keep your eyes shut.' Harry just nodded, agreeing.

Standing there with his eyes shut, a second or two passed before he felt Louis' hands at his hips again, this time gently pulling down the boxers he was wearing, Louis lifting each foot for him so he could step out of them. 'Can I open my eyes yet?'

'Just a couple more seconds love, not much longer now.' And stood there, naked now, eyes still shut, he heard the soft sounds of water lapping. 'Open your eyes', Louis said with tenderness clear in his voice.

And as he opened his eyes, Harry was met by a truly stunning sight. Blind closed, candles dotted around the room, and Louis, beautiful, gorgeous Louis, in a bath full of bubbles. 'Come and join me curly, I thought it would be a nice way to wake up.' Harry shook himself out of the trance he was in and stepped into the water, sinking down. Submerged, he lay there for a moment, taking in the sight of the man in front of him. It felt like such an intimate thing to be doing, tender. He found himself feeling strangely overwhelmed by it all. Only a few days ago, none of this had even felt like a possibility. And, here, now, he was surrounded by candles, sharing a bath with the man he loved.

Breaking into his thoughts, Louis nudged at his foot under the water, tangling their ankles together. 'Babe, why don't you come up here, this bath's massive, we can both fit at this end.' And reaching out a hand, Louis gently navigated Harry to fit between his legs, guiding him to lean back against him. Water sloshing around them, they stayed quiet, just enjoying the feeling of closeness, relaxing, pressed flush to one another. 'I love your hair you know, it's one of my favourite things about you, one of the first things I noticed about you. I'm sorry about this morning, I bet I left loads of tangles in it…' and as he spoke he ran his fingers through Harry's hair, trying to gently undo the knots he had caused. 'Can I wash your hair? I'd really like to do that for you.' And turning so that he could look at him, Harry said, still a little overwhelmed, 'I'd really like you to do that too.'

It turned out that Louis had gifted hands, washing Harry's hair, smoothing conditioner through it, and giving Harry the best scalp massage he'd ever experienced. He hadn't realised he was doing it, letting out soft sighs and moans as Louis worked on his scalp, rubbing little circles, and tugging at his hair now and again. Louis' hands shifted lower, massaging his neck and shoulders, straying further to rub hard, strong lines up and down his back, before dropping lower still kneading at his hips. All the while Louis was sucking at Harry's neck, biting just the right side of painful. 'Louis please, please…' Harry heard himself whimper. 'Please what, babe?' Louis nibbled and smiled into the back of Harry's neck. 'Lou, please...please, I know you were just washing my hair, but..but, I need you.' And before he'd even finished asking for it, Louis' hand was wrapped around his cock. Hand still slick with conditioner, sliding and slipping, starting slowly, gradually building to a relentless pace. Water sploshing over the edge of the bath and soaking the floor, soft candle light enveloping them in a heat and intensity that only seemed to fuel them on. 'Oh fuck, that feels so good, Louis, Louis, Lou, I'm so close…' And with two more quick strokes Harry was coming hard, white stripes coating his chest up to his collarbones.

They lay there, Harry recovering, and Louis grinding gently behind him letting out little sounds of his own. Grinding harder and with more purpose, finally Louis took hold of his own neglected cock, and with a couple of desperate tugs was coming himself, shooting up Harry's back and into the bubbles floating on the surface of the water.

Luxuriating in the warmth of the water, they kissed as their combined highs ebbed away. Louis the first to speak, 'love, we better get out now, we're going all wrinkly in the water, let's put on those fluffy hotel robes and spend the rest of the day in bed.' And that sounded like best plan for a day that Harry had heard in a long time.

….

'Louis! Honestly, you're such a northern stereotype! I can't believe you actually brought Yorkshire Tea with you.'

'Don't judge Curly, you know you love it. You love me.'

'Obviously, Lou.'

'Obviously.'

A loud knock at the door put a halt to their banter. Both looking at each other in stunned silence.

Whispering, Louis said, 'Who is it? We can't let anyone see us like this…'

More knocking, this time though accompanied by scratching at the door.

'What the hell?' Harry said clutching his tea to his chest as if it could protect him.

And another knock, harder this time, along with a shout of 'Louis, Louis are you in there?'

'Liam? what does he want Lou?' Harry whispered looking genuinely worried now.

Another knock.

'I don't know, but he's not going away. Just go to my room and I'll get rid of him.'

Not having to be told twice, Harry hurried off to the bedroom, while Louis made his way to the door with a shout of 'Coming Liam!'

…

Opening the door Louis was confronted by not just Liam, but Liam and Mabel. Mabel who was trying to wriggle her way out of Liam's arms.

Stepping into the hotel room, not waiting for an invite, Liam took one look at Louis and shrugged, 'Late one last night mate? Only just getting up?'

Trying to sound calm and casual, Louis muttered into his tea, 'Yeah, you know, jet-lag messes with my sleep.'

'Well, buddy, me and Mabel here have come to keep you company, haven't we Mabel?' And with that Mabel managed to wriggle her way out of Liam's arms, sprinting across the room towards the master bedroom.

'Sorry mate, she's a nightmare, partly why I'm here really, thought she'd be better with a change of scenery.' and just like that, Liam was up and off in pursuit of her.

'Liam, Liam wait…'

But it was too late, by the time Louis had caught up, Mabel was on the bed trying to get under the covers. Harry was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, still in the robe. And Liam, Liam was looking between the two of them with an odd mixture of amusement and confusion.

'Well. ok then. Let's hear it.' was all he said before walking back into the living room and plonking down on the sofa.

….

Trying to play dumb didn't work, Harry's acting skills failing him, 'Hear what Liam, nothing to hear here.'

And honestly, Louis could have slapped Harry if he didn't love him so much.

'Well, I'm no genius, but don't you two have your own rooms now? And yet you're both here, in Louis' room, in bathrobes. And Louis…' reaching over to move the neckline of Louis' robe to one side, 'yep, and Louis has either been in a fight with someone with _really, really_ tiny fists, or he's covered in love bites. So, yeah, I think there is something to hear here.'

A shared, worried look between the two of them, and they knew that they'd been found out. Nodding to each other, deciding that the 'ripping the band aid off' approach was best, it was Louis that launched into it.

'Well Liam, Harry and I are together and we're in love. We've been in love for ages really, but the being together bit, that's the new bit. So yeah, that's what's going on.'

And Liam, well he looked ridiculously happy more than anything. Getting up and hugging them both, pulling back, looking between them, grinning, 'That's amazing guys, I'm so happy for you. I knew there was something there, you'd have had to have been a total idiot not to see it.

'But I thought something had happened, a while ago. Seemed like you'd had a huge fight or something, didn't want to ask though. Thought I'd let you sort it out in your own time. And here we are, you have sorted it out!'

'Yeah, about sorting it out', Harry said hesitantly, 'we've talked everything though and sorted us out, but I'm not sure you know the half of it to be honest. There was never any fight, nothing like that.'

Having made himself at home on the sofa, Mabel in his lap, Liam looked between them again, gaze lingering, 'Well if there wasn't a fight or anything, what happened?'

…

Harry and Louis took it in turns to fill Liam in on the reasons they'd been so distant with each other. How much pain it had caused both of them. How they'd realised that even though they owed Simon for so much, that they couldn't carry on as they were. That some things were more important than fame, or money, or opportunities. That there was no point in having any of that if you lost the biggest part of yourself in the process.

And Liam just listened quietly, taking it all in. By the end of it he was in tears, and Harry and Louis were close to it.

Liam was the first to speak, 'My god, I had no idea, no idea how much you've had to go through. I honestly just thought you'd fallen out.'

There was a pause before he spoke again, 'Obviously I support you one hundred percent, and the other boys will too. But what are you going to do when Simon gets here? It's just rehearsals now, but you know he'll be here in a couple of weeks. And unless you want to go back to ignoring each other when he's around, you'll have to talk to him.'

'We know we do Liam.' Louis spoke for both of them, grabbing Harry's hand and holding it tight, 'We know. But we've only had this, us, for a few days. So we'll just enjoy it for now. And we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.'


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Liam and Mabel stayed late into the evening. All talked out, they decided on a room service dinner of pizza and hotdogs. It was a safer bet than trying to find somewhere local to eat, especially with Mabel, who was still in her seemingly never-ending 'shoe chewing and peeing on the carpet' phase.

Stuffed and sleepy, Harry lounged at one end of the biggest sofa, Mabel curled up on his lap, nibbling at his fingers with her needily puppy teeth. Louis, looking over at Mabel with only a hint of jealously, settled next to Harry, pressed flush to his side, playing idly with one of his curls.

The evening passed by comfortably, Louis and Liam chatting about random topics, including, but not limited to; whether custom Vans were cool or trying too hard; the merits of The Avengers vs XMen; and who'd win in a fight, cats or dogs. Depending on Harry for moral support, Louis started, 'Hazza, you're with me on the cat thing? Claws _and_ teeth, and sneaky too, it's got to give them an edge, right?'

With no reply coming, and a 'Shhhh' from Liam, Louis turned to face Harry, and was met by one of the most adorable things he'd ever seen. Harry, face soft and relaxed, sleeping soundly, curled up with Mabel held loosely to his chest, both snoring gently. Wanting to capture the moment, Louis grabbed his phone, smiling as he took photo after photo. A cough from across the room startled him out of the moment. He pocketed his phone, turning his attention back to Liam, looking a bit sheepish, as he said, 'So yeah, definitely cats, cats win.'

'So which ones, going to be your lock screen then Tommo? You haven't got many to choose from, maybe take a couple more, just to be on the safe side!' and Liam looked smug as he said it, ducking and dodging the bit of pizza crust Louis chucked at him in revenge from across the room.

…..

The late night with their unexpected guests led to a deep and peaceful night's sleep. Sharing their news with their friend felt like a weight lifted. They slept, tangled together, Harry snuggled back into Louis, Louis with his arm draped around Harry's waist, face nuzzled into his hair.

A phone ringing in the living room finally signalled the start of a new day. Not bothering to get up and answer it at first, letting it ring and ring, finally after a sleep-blurred amount of time had passed, Harry turned in Louis' arms to face him. Noses touching, lips gently meeting.

'Hey Lou.'

'Hey you too.'

'Isn't that the ringtone for your mum?'

Louis stretched, trying to wake up, and talking though a yawn that was infectious, 'Yep, better go and call her back, see what she wants.'

…..

Getting up, and padding into the other room, he tracked his phone down, wedged between the cushions on the sofa. Smiling at the photo of Harry and Mabel as he unlocked it, seeing that his mum only actually called once, the rest voicemails.

Making two teas, leaning on the kitchen counter he called his mum. Jay answering on the first ring, 'Wow Mum, it's like you were expecting me to call or something', Louis laughed down the line.

Jay sounded a lot happier than the last time he'd spoken to her. But it didn't stop her telling him off, 'Well, yes Louis I was, I thought we were supposed to be checking in with each other more often. You know, after we spoke last time. It's been nearly a week!'

'I know mum, I know, I've just been a bit...distracted.' And Louis knew how his mum's mind worked, could tell exactly what her next question was going to be.

'Oh right Louis, distracted. Distracted how exactly?' Jay teased, amusement clear in her voice.

…..

Louis hadn't heard Harry getting up, hadn't heard him walk quietly to the living area, leaning in the doorway. Harry hadn't really thought about it, had heard the kettle boiling and had come to get his tea. But now, now he was intrigued to hear where this conversation was going.

Remaining still and quiet, with Louis' back to him, he waited, interested to hear at least one side of the phone call.

…..

'Mum, I'm not going to give you _those_ kind of details', and Harry could hear the smile in Louis' voice.

'Ok fine, yes, yes I did talk to him'...'It went well, yeah it went really, really well. We talked everything though and we both feel the same.'...'I know, yeah we both know it's not going to be easy, but we love each other. And we've agreed that we're not going to lose each other again.'...'Only Liam knows'...'Yeah he was great, really, really happy for us, so that's good. I guess we'll tell the other boys soon. Just need to talk to Harry about what he wants to do.'

Hearing his own name snapped Harry out of his eavesdropping. He felt a little bit guilty listening in, but it was all stuff they'd already talked about, so in his own mind that meant it was ok.

….'He's amazing mum, I can't believe I coped at all for so long without being able to be with him.'...'He makes me so happy, And he seems really happy too. We went to the zoo the other day'...'yes, the zoo mum, and I was watching him driving us there and I couldn't believe he was mine. I'm so lucky.'...'I know we're young, but he's just it for me, I know he is.'

Louis went quiet for a while, Jay speaking on the other end of the line, and Harry could see Louis nodding, agreeing with whatever it was she was saying. Finally, a last, 'I know mum, yeah we will' and Louis was saying goodbyes and love you's, wrapping up the call.

…..

Ending the call and taking a sip of tea, thinking about the conversation he'd just had with his mum, he felt a strong pair of arms come to rest around his waist, soft kisses to the back of his neck, and a quiet, emotional, 'You're it for me too you know Lou, really you are.'

And turning in Harry's arms, looking into each other's eyes, foreheads touching, noses rubbing gentle Eskimo kisses before the lips met. They sighing into it, warmth and a feeling of home enveloping them. Louis revelled in the feel of Harry's tongue running along the roof of his mouth, hard and needy, meeting him with an equal passion, biting at his lower lip, teeth clattering together in a rush of meaning.

Breaking apart, looking at each other with emotion neither could really put into words, Louis put out into the room the only thought he could grasp hold of; 'I'm so lucky to have found you Harry', and in response a quiet, intimate, 'I am so lucky to have found you too Lou.'

…

An hour or so later, they were showered and ready to make the most of the day. Rehearsals were due to start in just a few days, bringing with it early starts, late nights, structure, and eventually Simon. They hadn't discussed what they wanted to do, what they wanted to say to him, since Liam had brought it up the evening before. Didn't want to think about it just yet. But, discussed out loud or not, it lingered in the recesses of both of their minds; just waiting for the moment when it would have to be laid out, faced up to, and an approach agreed upon.

Until then, there were more immediately pressing matters to deal with.

Pulling on a beanie and sunglasses as instructed, dressed down in jeans and a hoodie, Louis caught Harry's hand in his, and pulling him towards him, asked, confusion clear in his voice, 'Where are we going H? And why are you dressing us up like boyband ninjas?'

'I'm only taking you out for breakfast Lou, no need to panic.' Harry smiled, putting his own beanie on, pulling it down low to meet the upper edge of his sunglasses, '...but we need to do it on the down-low, don't want to get spotted!'.

Sneaking down the hotel corridor and into the lift, giggling at the 'covert' nature of it all, they tip toed through the lobby, and purely for dramatic effect darted behind a row of large potted plants in reception, before breaking out into the LA sunshine.

Dragging Louis along, away from the hotel, down the main road and taking lefts and rights, they soon left the bustle behind them. Just a road or two back from the tourists and locals rushing about, the streets became quieter, more low key. They bumped shoulders as they walked, not quite deserted enough to risk holding hands.

'So where exactly are you taking me Curly?' Louis asked, hat and ridiculously large glasses obscuring most of his face.

Not answering, just continuing to lead the way, they took one more left, and then, 'Ta-dah! I'm taking you here Lou!'

And in front of them stood a rather basic, slightly shabby looking diner, neon sign glowing even in the late morning sun.

And with a shrug, and a 'Well ok then' from Louis, they walked in, bell above the door ringing to announce their arrival.

The aroma of fried food hitting them as soon as they walked through the door, they found a booth in the far corner, both of them sitting on one side, pressed close. Tangling their fingers together under the table, knocking ankles, Harry spoke first, 'We don't need to keep our "disguises" on in here. Come here a lot when we're in LA, I've never been spotted by a fan, and the couple that own it aren't exactly our target market.'

With a laugh and a squeeze to Harry's hand, they both discarded their beanies and sunglasses, pausing only for a second to make sure no one had recognised them.

…

Noticing that Louis had his mouth full with another rasher of bacon dripping with maple syrup, Harry took a deep breath, and spoke, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice.

'Lou, I haven't brought you here by chance. There's a reason.' And Harry smiled shyly as he spoke.

'What do you mean, Hazza. I know the breakfast was brilliant. Thank you! Best place I've been to in a long time.'

'Look to your right' and now Harry looked shy and uncertain.

'Um ok...' and Louis turned, taking in the sight of the baby grand piano crammed into the corner of the diner. 'Erm…why is that in here?'

'Well the owner plays a bit and likes the look of it in here. But I thought you could really make use of it. For me. Away from everyone…' Looking around, in the time they'd taken to eat, they were now the only people in there.

'Do you want to know when I knew I was in love with you?' And Harry looked deadly serious as he spoke now.

'It was at judge's houses. You were already my favourite person, but seeing you come back from hospital, holding you in my arms, that's when I knew. And when we sung Torn, thinking about the lyrics, that was when I knew that I was in love with you. And don't laugh I know it's not exactly a romantic song…

'..But it made me realise how heartbroken I'd be if we were together, in love, and then I lost you.

'I've wanted to hear you play it ever since then, I want to hear you sing it, and play it. I want to hear your voice when you play it just to me. Please.' And there were the beginning of tears in Harry's' eyes now.

Looking overwhelmed, but understanding, Louis held both of Harry's hands tight, looked him in the eye and stated, 'Harry, I would be honoured to play it for you. But you know you're not going to lose me don't you? You've got me, you're stuck with me for good now.'

And there in the middle of the shabby little diner, Louis sung his heart out for an audience of one, delicate fingers playing a beautiful melody that meant so much to them, both of them knowing that a song of heartbreak might have cemented Harry's love, but that their story was going to have a very different ending.

…..

They spent the afternoon, back in their disguises, exploring the quiet back streets, buying vintage comics for Louis, and faded second hand band t-shirts for Harry. The afternoon drifted into dusk, and with a newfound lightness in their steps they made their way back to their hotel.

After deciding on a lazy evening in front of the TV, and worn out from trekking around the city, it didn't take one of them long to give into the temptation of sleep. Louis was the first to admit defeat. letting out soft snores from his place, snuggled into Harry's lap.

'Hey, sleepyhead, let's go to bed, come on, it might feel comfortable now, but in the morning you'll thank me for moving you.' and Harry shook Louis gently as he spoke, trying to wake him up just enough to get him on his feet and into the bedroom.

Louis was having none of it, and barely roused at all. 'Ok, you asked for it, this is going to be a bumpy ride.' And in one not so smooth and seamless manoeuvre Harry scooped Louis up and into his arms – all too aware of Louis' hot breath on his neck - and wobbled his way to the bedroom, placing him gently in the middle of the large bed.

Realising that Louis was still fully clothed, including battered Vans, Harry blushed and muttered to himself, 'Come on, he's asleep, just undress him and go to sleep, think with your brain for a change Styles!'

The Vans, it turned out were the easy part. The rest was another story. Mentally slapping himself Harry focussed on the task in hand, undoing buttons carefully, and concentrating on sliding down jeans without waking Louis.

Exhausted, but undeniably turned on, Harry undressed himself and slipped into bed next to Louis, carefully placing an arm over him, trying to be as quiet and delicate as possible, cursing as the bed creaked.

After a few minutes he figured he'd managed to get away with it and started to fall into a comfortable sleep himself.

A quiet, sleep-rough voice broke the silence, just as Harry was drifting off, 'That was some self-restraint you showed there Styles; please don't credit me with the same if the roles are ever reversed.'

And Louis, now seemingly wide awake, turned, chest flush against Harry's, hearts beating hard in time, breath ghosting on the features looking back at each of them, gaze locked and not wavering.

'Please let me fuck you Harry? I can feel how turned on you are,' Louis breathed out into the room. And even though it was phrased as a question, there was never any doubt in either of their minds of what the answer would be.

…

Moments of hard passionate kissing passed in a blur. Sometimes Harry found himself straddling Louis, then he would suddenly find himself pinned down onto the bed, struggling for breath, consumed by the lust he felt washing off of them. Other times they lay on their sides, facing each other, drinking each other in, letting passion, and love, and want, cradle them.

'Louis...Lou, I need you, now.' And even though the kissing was amazing, Louis had to admit himself that he was getting a little more turned on than kissing alone could contain.

Slowly, teasingly, he pulled Harry's boxers off, and then his own, leaving them both naked, flush to each other, skin on skin.

'Harry, I love you so much.' Louis managed while gently caressing between Harry's arse cheeks, relaxing him, making sure that he was ready, that it wouldn't hurt too much. ''I love you too; you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.' And Louis didn't know how much more he was going to be able to take - stroking at his own leaking cock - the mere sight of Harry, now straddling him, looking down at him cheeks flushed, uttering words of love and desire, was almost enough to push him over the edge on its own.

'Harry, you have no idea what you do to me...I need you, I need to be inside you now.' And with that Louis pulled Harry fully on to his lap, kissing him hard, fingers scissoring inside, massaging him further until he was sure he was ready, kissing and kissing. 'Lou, I'm ready, I'm...I need you inside me now, need you to fuck me.' Harry whimpered, leaning forward to give Louis one last kiss, before taking matters into his own hands. Sinking slowly, inch by careful inch, down on to Louis, sighing and groaning as he went, arching his back and exposing them both to sensations and feelings they could never have dreamed of.

As thoughts and feelings flashed though his mind, Harry fleetingly tried to pin down how he was feeling, wanting to remember this moment forever, this moment he'd waited so long for. _How am I feeling...aroused to the point of exploding, on the verge of tears, happy to the point of laughing hysterically, content and comfortable, like I'm about to pass out, not sure where I end and he begins, heaven, home…_

Suddenly drawn out of his thoughts by Louis' hand rubbing hard on his cock bouncing between them, Harry jerked forward, hips snapping into a rhythm Louis was clearly and loudly enjoying, each moan, and groan and whimper pushing Harry closer and closer to the edge himself.

'Oh god yes, yes, harder, harder…' Harry groaned, hips snapping and bucking, any semblance of rhythm lost in the moment 'oh god, fuck, that feels so good, so good… I'm going to…'

And as Harry's' muscles tensed, that, that was what pushed Louis over the edge, into the depths of the most mind blowing orgasm he'd ever experienced, with Harry coming, crashing along with him, hugging and trembling in his arms.

…..

And in their bubble they were happy. But although beautiful, bubbles are fragile things. It's only a matter of time before they burst.


End file.
